Values, Intentions, and Outcomes

My sincere hope is that you find the following discussion useful and thought provoking.

Give it a read and see what you think.


When I talk about values I am not referring to moral and ethical standards of behavior or conduct, although a person can value acting from their own particular moral and/or ethical framework.

I am also not including standards of behavior you got from your parents, attending church, etc.  So to be clear we are not talking about standards for “right” and “wrong” behavior.

Rather values are the idiosyncratic beliefs, ideas, likes and dislikes etc that make us who we are. For example, a person may take great pride in always doing their very best on projects they are assigned or choose to take on.  Another person may place living in naturally beautiful, albeit remote area, above the conveniences found in urban environments.  In each case the person’s choices and actions reflect deeply held values.  Values reflect our priorities and often fully honoring a value may involve sacrifice.

No two people have exactly the same values. Values are what make each of us unique.

Core Values:

Each of us has what I refer to as core values that define us as we are at this point in time. This raises an important, and often, overlooked point: Our values evolve over time based on our experiences. Talk to any body who has been to war, done crisis work, or personally witnessed great human suffering or inspiring achievement and you will immediately realize that these experiences have helped to shape who these people are and what they’re about.

Values are so unique to each person that an exact description of a person’s values is frequently beyond the scope of the english language.  For this reason, coaches sometimes will group several words together to form an image or representation of a particular set of values that go together.  For example: connected, supportive, studious, spiritual, musical, playful- might be a string of terms to describe me at this point in time.

Significance of Understanding Your Values:

Simply put: Having a clear understanding of your unique values forms the foundation for a life that is very satisfying.

Why?  Knowing what is really important to you and why will help you to make decisions and choices that lead to outcomes that really satisfy you.  No more wishy-washy BS!

Having clarity about your values is crucial when it comes to establishing and maintaining intimate relationships.


The cost of failing to do so is very high… recall your last break up… Yikes!

You guessed it, this is where working with a highly trained, supportive coach like me can really pay big dividends.

I have a special set of tools to help you discover and clarify your values.  The insights, focus, and support you can gain from coaching with me can have a dramatic, lasting impact on the rest of your life.


We form our intentions based on our values and of, course, our desires or “wants”.  A lot of the time this process is not completely conscious and this is the reason that we do not always “act in our own best interest”.  All of us have experienced that “funny feeling” that a particular course of action we are considering is not quite right for us but we proceed any way only to find out that we “should have listened” to that uncomfortable feeling or nagging little voice.  This is where knowing and staying in touch with your unique values can save you a lot of unnecessary “hard knocks”.

Naturally, working with the right coach can really help you make decisions that you truly can “live with”.  If you decide to work with me, I will provide you with the support you need to “stick to your guns”, especially during the more challenging points in your journey.


To the extent that we are in touch with and honor our true, unique values in the decisions we make, we experience satisfaction and peace.

What I call “The Land of Regret” is filled with the outcomes of decisions made in haste and/or without adequate regard for who we really are at the core of our being.

And, relationship regrets  tend to be cumulative.  They run deep and affect our capacity to make  better, more satisfying, relationship choices.

When it comes to committed, long term relationships, decisions made without full awareness of what really matters to us can come back and bite us hard,  for a long time.

Just ask any of your divorced buddies about their experiences around their separation and divorce.  Ouch!!!


By now it should be clear that I am using the word “outcomes” to describe the results of our actions. In this context I would also like to note that there are psychological and emotional consequences  to our actions that can manifest in a variety of ways.

For the sake of our discussion here, I will briefly delve into some of the ways relationships can impact the emotional and psychological  aspects our lives.

Relationships are a “two edged sword”.

Deeply fulfilling  relationships can elicit positive, even euphoric emotions, thereby providing one of the “highs” of life.  From a psychological perspective, positive supportive relationships can, and clearly do, increase motivation and improve our overall sense of well being.

Relationships that are perceived as not fulfilling or that end “badly” can set the stage for  feelings of regret and guilt and, from a psychological stand point, can adversely effect motivation, concentration, analytical capacities and even judgement.

As noted earlier relationship “regrets” tend to have a cumulative impact on both existing and future relationships.

Do you want to live in the land of relationship frustration and regret or would you prefer to live in the land of mutually fulfilling, loving relationships?

On a personal note:

I know just how devastating a “failed marriage” can be because I went through the “divorce from hell”.  It took years for me to really get on my feet and trust myself fully in intimate relationships with women.

The lessons I learned are one of the motivations for my commitment to conscious relationship.


For the record, I have been in a mutually fulfilling, committed relationship for 9 years. We’ve been married for over 6 years.  Our story is one of friendship, romance, and sharing and I wouldn’t trade my wife for all the tea in china… she is the jewel of my heart.

The school of hard knocks taught me the lessons I needed to establish and nurture a long term, loving, committed relationship.  I  know the way and through the amazing process of Co-Active coaching, I can help you discover your true values around relationships and provide the support you need to take on one of the most rewarding and joyously challenging journeys of life.


In a nut shell, clearly formed intentions that are based on our true values allow us to make decisions that lead to outcomes we can truly live with.

Ask yourself:

When it comes to your next romantic relationship are you really clear on what you want and why?

That is not to say the there will not be challenges or that we will live in the land of eternal bliss.


Together we can tip the odds in your favor!


“Being challenged in life is inevitable; being defeated is optional .” *

*Roger Crawford

Sometimes the decisions that honor who we are the most end up bringing very challenging, albeit deeply satisfying results.

Can you recall a decision you made at work that brought you great struggle and great  success as well?

  • How did you feel in the moment?  Did you feel alive, fulfilled, and satisfied when it was all said and done?
  • Would you trade these moments of accomplishment for just doing a job and punching a time clock?
  • Not likely!

So the point is that when make decisions that are in alignment with our values we put ourselves in the position to thrive.

This is especially true for our relationship choices. Do you want to be in a relationship that merely survives the test of time or one that allows you and your Partner to flourish?

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

You will be guided through the steps for setting up your low cost session when you click on the ‘Sign Up Now’ button below:

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