Transforming a ‘Miss-step’ into an Opportunity for Healing & Growth

WELCOME!

We have all had the experience of saying the wrong thing, in the wrong way, at the wrong time.

When this happens with our partners, it often sets the stage for further frustration and disappointment.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

While we can never really take back our words, communication ‘miss-steps’ don’t have to drive a wedge between you and your partner.

Our communication miss-steps can actually provide the opportunity to move closer together.

Today’s post will provide a proven strategy for transforming a ‘communication miss-step’ into an opportunity to actually deepen your relationship with your partner.

Steps for transforming a ‘miss-step’ into an opportunity for personal growth and a more solid relationship 

Self acknowledge

When you first realize that you ‘blew it’, stop, and without beating yourself up, acknowledge your mistake.  Give yourself a break.

It is what it is.

Everyone makes relationship mistakes.  Everyone miss-speaks from time to time.  Everyone gets frustrated and says things they regret.

Everyone.

Reflect

This is a very important step.

By taking the time to explore the circumstances and your emotional state surrounding your ‘miss-step’, you will gain valuable insights.

Some questions to support this process:

  • What was on your mind at the time of your ‘miss-step’?
  • What was the intended outcome of your speech?
  • If you could go back in time, what would you have done differently?  Why?
  • Without making ‘excuses’ were there mitigating circumstances that contributed your ‘miss-step’?
  • Can you recall your emotional state when the ‘miss-step’ occurred?
  • Did the ‘miss-step’ occur because your were holding back some important feelings?
  • How important is your relationship with your partner?
  • Anything else?

Tip:

Don’t let a deal breaker on one issue become a deal breaker on all issues.

Set the intention to make things right

Humble yourself to yourself.

While you are not responsible for your partner’s feelings, if your speech or actions resulted in suffering, a heart felt apology can go a long way to set things right.

To help support this process, remind yourself just how important your relationship with your partner is to you.

Blessed Vulnerability

Own your feelings, mistakes, challenges and fears.

Now embrace a positive way to share them with your partner.

For guys who read my blog:

Showing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness.  Quite the contrary.  It takes courage to be authentic, honest, and transparent- to bare your soul.

When you allow yourself to get in touch with and share your feelings, fears, challenges and concerns in an authentic, transparent way, you give your partner the opportunity to fully support you.

One more thing:

Your Partner can only support the part of you that you allow them to see.

When you try to hide your deepest fears, concerns, and so on from your partner, they can sense that they are not being completely ‘let in’.

They feel partially ‘cut off’ from you.  This is a common form of ‘emotional disconnect’.

For women who are very intuitive, this can, and often does become a ‘deal breaker.’

When you have the courage to just ‘spill the beans’ and let your partner see all of you, you are giving them the opportunity to fully connect with you.

The stage has now been set for you to ask for and receive the support you need.

This is a win, win, win scenario.  You win, your partner wins, and your relationship wins.

This forms ‘the emotional or empathetic basis’ for all mutually empowering relationships

Request a “Do Over”

So what exactly is a “Do Over”?

A “Do Over” involves four steps:

  1. ‘Come clean’ with your partner regarding your feelings that arose when the ‘miss-step’ occurred.
  2. Tell your partner how important your relationship is and much they mean to you.
  3. Ask your partner if they would be willing to revisit the conversation / event with the shared intention of healing and empowering your relationship.
  4. When they express interest, then ask them when would be a good time to your “Do Over”.

The conversation might be something like this:

“Honey, I feel disappointed about I handled things the other day.  Our relationship means the world to me.  I am sorry and would like to revisit the topic we were discussing.”

Easy.

Tips:

Remember to give you and your partner plenty of time to complete your “Do Over.”

Remember to put on your most attentive, non-judgmental listening ears.

Have courage.

Be vulnerable.

Remember to thank your partner.

“Do-Over”, discuss, process

After you complete your “Do Over”, be sure to discuss how things went.  If through the process of the “Do Over”, you gained some insights, I invite you to share them.

I invite you to journal about what you learned.  This will help you, and your partner if they are game, to ‘lock in the learning’.

Celebrate

Celebrate your mutual efforts to clear the air and put the effort into building a stronger, more mutually empowering relationship.

You might consider going out for a nice dinner, having a drink at a quiet romantic spot, taking a walk together in a nice location- do something that meets you both equally well.

Don’t forget that hug!

I am here if you need me.

Your friend and staunch ally,

To Love and Courage!

Ron

Live, Connect, Love and Prosper

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

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