Thoughts on Emotional Connection


This week’s post is will provide you with serious food for thought on the topic of emotional connection.

It is intended to help you to develop a deeper level of clarity around your emotional needs so that you can create realistic expectations about what you actually need emotionally from your man.

The challenge of emotionally connecting with your man

Many women have shared with me that they struggle maintaining a satisfying emotional connection with the man in their life.

Why this is so

Most men have sort of a “hit and run” – connect and disconnect approach to dealing with emotions.

I have found this to be especially true when it comes to maintaining the emotional connection with their gal.

There is hope!

Men are going through an “emotional awakening”

In the previous posts, (Connecting Emotionally with Men, Parts I, II & III,) I shared some of the reasons why men are generally not as emotionally developed as their female counterparts.

I invite you to check them out.

It all begins and ends with you.

Balancing what you want with realistic expectations

Everyone is at different stages of emotional development and therefore everyone requires different levels of emotional connection to satisfy their needs in this area.


What works for your best friend may not work for you!

Becoming crystal clear on your needs around emotional connection is an essential step if you are going to attract a compatible, committed partner who truly loves you for who you are.

If you are exploring the possibility of a committed relationship with a new person, it will also help you to begin the process of deciding if the guy you are with is really right for you.

Let’s begin by asking some simple questions.

I invite you to get out a pad of paper and a pen and to jot down your responses.

Tip: These questions also make great topics for journaling. I invite you to journal on each one and then summarize what you learned from your own inner wisdom. 

  • What are your needs around emotional connection?
  • Do you need a little or a lot of emotional support?
  • Ideally, how would you like your guy to manifest this support?
  • Do you need a little or a lot of physical touch as a part of the emotional support you expect to receive from your guy?
  • Are you a hugger?  Is physical touch a primary way that you connect emotionally?
  • How much physical attention do expect from your guy?
  • What role does sex play in your need for emotional connection?
  • If you were forced to choose between friendship and pure passion, which would you choose and why?
  • Summarize what you gleaned form answering these questions?

These questions will get you started on the path to discovering more about your actual needs and values around emotional connection.

Translating your needs into realistic expectations

To help set a useful context for exploring realistic expectations around how your ideal man would support you emotionally, I ask you to consider the following:

  • Saying “yes” to one thing often requires us to say “no” to something else.
  • Fully honoring our deepest values often involves sacrifice.

I’m very sorry to tell you this, but you can’t have it all.

You can have what will actually fulfill you.  That’s how humans are actually wired’.   We can imagine anything, if prompted to do so.

However, unless there is a seed in your soul from which to bring forth this fruit, no amount of water (time, energy, resources and so on) will cause it to manifest.

Finally two quotes:

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”

Tony Robbins

“It’s not the lack of love, but the lack of friendship that makes marriages unhappy.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

Still here?

The two extremes:

Emotionally needy verses emotionally self-sufficient.

Where do you fall on this continuum?

Those who fall more on the needy side of this continuum will need far more reassurance and emotional support than those who fall more on the emotionally self-sufficient side.

Please refrain from any self-judgments and especially avoid any comparisons between you and your girlfriends.

Nothing good can come from either of these!

Setting realistic expectations is more about being honest with yourself than about who you might meet online.

In the context of our discussion “realistic” really means “compatible”.

Realistic = compatible

The five million dollar question:

What sort of man is really compatible with who you are right now?

That’s who you should be looking for!

And, from one perspective, that’s who is already looking for you!

Be totally willing to be seen for the “catch” you are” and make his job easier!

If you are in relationship with a guy who you believe is clearly incompatible with you emotionally, this does not necessarily mean that you need to call it “quits”.

It does mean that you both could benefit from some couples works with a qualified therapist, coach, counselor, or pastor.

If you are in this camp, I encourage you to get the professional support that you need.


It all really begins and ends with you.

You are in the driver’s seat.

Getting crystal clear on your emotional needs as well as your preferred style for getting these needs met is essential if you are to form realistic expectations regarding what you actually need emotionally from your man.

Realistic = Compatible.

What sort of man is compatible with the woman you are in this moment?

That’s the sort of guy you can build a sustainable, mutually empowering relationship with.

YOU are a catch, just the way you are!

If you are in a relationship with someone that you believe is clearly incompatible emotionally, I recommend that you get some professional assistance to figure this out.


Where there is love- anything is possible.

I have successfully helped many people to master the art of emotional connection, and invite you to sign up for a low cost, Committed Partner Breakthrough session. 

During your session we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

Sign Up Now

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

I welcome your comments and questions.

Live, Connect, Love and Prosper

See YOU next week!

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

You will be guided through the steps for setting up your low cost session when you click on the ‘Sign Up Now’ button below:

Sign Up Now


Comment by LJ
September 4, 2013 @ 5:38 am

Excellent advice!

Comment by Dominique
September 4, 2013 @ 11:16 am

This is a very interesting and thought-provoking article Ron – much food for thought and reflection, so thank you for that :).

I am (a female) on the emotionally self-sufficient end of the spectrum and I just read your other article which provides more detail about emotional connection – also very interesting. I have just come out of a 15 year relationship. My relationship history has been one of serial monogamy and then relationship break-down. The most recent 15 year one has been the longest partnership I was in. As a very young infant (2 years old), I was separated from my mother for a period of time due to financial hardship.

My question is this – do you think the infant separation affect my ability for emotional connection? Also, I think I am happy this way. I feel calm and independent and that feels right to me. I now live alone and of course I miss hugging someone special at the end of a busy working day but I don’t feel that I crave strong emotional connection. Am I numb to it do you think? Or is it fine to be at the self-sufficient end and be happy in life? I would really welcome and appreciate your comments. Thank you.

Comment by Ron
September 4, 2013 @ 1:36 pm

Dear Dominique,
Thank you for posting a comment our my blog and for your positive feedback. I do not think that your separation from your mother at age two caused a problem in your emotional development (unless you experienced a significant emotional trauma during that separation). Even then, our deepest emotional capacities develop much later in life.
I am happy that you are happy with your life as a single person. This is actually the best state to be in if you want to be in a mutually empowering relationship with a man who is also happy with them selves. When two happy, empowered people come together in love anything is possible.
I invite you to return to my site and read “I Need My Soul Mate to be Complete; here is the link:

No, you have not become “numb”. It is perfectly normal to miss physical touch and other physical expressions of affection. Feel free to email me at my professional, confidential email: if you care to privately continue this discussion.

Thanks again for posting a comment on my blog. If you haven’t already done so, I invite you to subscribe to my blog.
Warmly, Ron Capocelli, CPCC

Comment by Dominique
September 5, 2013 @ 10:41 am

Thank you Ron for your re-assuring and enlightening comments and for the link, which I very much look forward to reading. Thank you for providing your email address. Once I have read the article, I may well email you with any questions or comments. Again, thank you – very much appreciated.

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