The Power Of Forgiveness, Some lessons from my own life


One day when I was talking with a close female friend about my feelings regarding my ex-wife’s “insensitive behavior”, the universe blessed me with an insight that finally got me to end my “pity party” and get on with my life.

Curious about what she shared to get me out of my funk?

She simply said, “I love you.  You are a dear friend, but I am tired of hearing about how you just can’t trust women; the problem is you don’t trust yourself not to fail again.”  With that she gave me a hug and we said our goodbyes.

My friend cared enough about me to help me to put the focus where it belonged – on me!

I realized that I was holding on to the anger toward my ex-wife because that was easier than facing the real issue:


I couldn’t find the Grace to forgive my ex-wife because I didn’t really want to.  It was easier to stay “self-righteously mad” than to take responsibility for my actions and feelings.

After all, it takes two to tango.

As long as I continued to blame my ex-wife for my feelings I could never learn the lessons I needed to get from our failed marriage and would bring all of this relationship ruining negativity into any new romantic pursuits.

I also realized that I had a part in the ‘failed marriage’ and that I needed to forgive my-self for my role in our ‘failed marriage’.

So this is where I started.

I wrote down everything I could think of that I did to contribute to our divorce.  I then inwardly asked my ex-wife (since she wouldn’t talk with me) for her forgiveness for all that I had done, said, etc to contribute to our failed marriage.

I then acknowledged my failures to God and asked for His forgiveness and support.

A shift in my consciousness followed.

Through the Grace of God I saw my ex-wife’s pain and was able to let go of my anger and forgive her.

I also realized that:

Regret leads to resentment, that if left unchecked, leads to bitterness- the Love killer.

How about you?

Are you choosing to hold onto negative feelings about failed relationships?

Do you need to forgive your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband for their “insensitive” behavior?

Do you need to forgive yourself for the role you played in past failed romantic relationships?

Here’s a little ritual you might try:

  1. First, make a list of all the things your ex did that hurt you.
  2. Now make a similar list of all of the things you did to contribute to the failed relationship.
  3. Now put them both side by side.

Make the decision to forgive your ex and yourself.

  1. Tear both lists into tiny little pieces.
  2. Create some positive affirmations to have handy when your mind tries to get you to “un-forgive” your ex and yourself.

I promise that this will happen.  So it is best to be prepared!

Here are three positive affirmations I created:

  1. “I am thankful for the love that _____ and I shared; I forgive ____ for everything she did that caused us pain.”
  2. “I forgive myself for all I said and did to contribute to our break up.”
  3. “I know in my heart that we both did the best we could and I truly hope that she finds the love she needs.”

Now, I must confess that the third positive affirmation took some real soul searching and effort.

I hope that you found this little exercise useful.

See YOU next week!

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1 Comment »

Comment by Stephen Light
April 4, 2012 @ 8:23 am

Hey Ron

This exercise can be used for any challenging relationship people are facing. Very useful, thank you.

Stephen Light

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