The Importance of Self Expression

If you are reading this article, I am assuming that you are involved in the dating scene and that you really want your efforts to pay off this time.  You want to meet and keep a man that truly adores you for who you are.

This article will focus on one specific aspect self expression, most commonly referred to as self disclosure.

Self disclosure, as discussed in this article, refers to the conversational expression of one’s heart felt opinions, feelings, fears, hopes, concerns, and other more personal or private types of topics and issues that often come up in intimate relationships.

While most of us have no trouble engaging in every day chit chat, it can sometimes be very challenging to share our more personal side, especially with that “special someone”.  Sometimes our fear of rejection just simply causes the little man at the switch board to freeze up and not let us get in touch with and express what’s really on our minds.  This can cause all kinds of struggles in intimate relationships.

Perhaps you wrestled a bit with self disclosure in previous relationships and are looking for some resources to help you communicate more comfortably and effectively, especially when it comes to more personal or private types of topics.

Well you came to the right place.
Perhaps in past relationships you have experienced one or more of the following:

  • Been criticized by previous partners for not sharing you thoughts and especially, your feelings
  • Regretted not sharing certain things with your previous partners
  • Have found self discloser more awkward than you would like

You are not alone!

My 14 plus years of counseling experience has born out that many gals involved in the dating scene share your concerns.

That said, congratulations, you have taken an important step toward a more fulfilling dating experience!

I sincerely hope that you find some useful food for thought in the following discussion.

Let’s get started.

Be authentic

We all value honesty and authenticity.

Easy enough to understand.
While it is important to treat your date with respect and observe common sense expressions of courtesy, it is also important to keep in mind that dating is a two way process of discovery.

I emphasize this point for one very important reason:
If you have had some  issues with self disclosure in past intimate relationships, acting as if these issues don’t exist will undermine your current efforts to attract and keep the man of your dreams.


Be yourself.

Real men are looking for real women.

If you are seeking a relationship based on respect, honesty, and openness then you must do your best to manifest these qualities yourself.

Note that I said do your best.

Don’t let perfection become the enemy of the absolutely necessary.

Real people are, well, real.  Real people all come with strengths and weaknesses.  Demonstrate your true character by doing your best to be up front.

A  mature, loving man will notice and respect your efforts at self disclosure  and will do his best to support you, especially if you muck things up a bit.


This is because most  mature men get that self disclosure can be really hard.  Hey it’s  often even harder for them! They will therefore  generally go out of their way to assist a woman that is trying to open up and say what’s really on their mind.

You are looking for a man who accepts you for who you are and what you believe.

Authenticity on your part, encourages authenticity on his part.
In relationships, you are always building your “relationship house” and setting expectations for future interactions.


Get off to a good, solid start this time!

Build your “relationship house” on the solid ground of “authenticity”.

An intimate relationship with this type of gal will never become that loving, mutually fulfilling relationship that you are seeking.  Never. Trust me on this.

Unless of course you like pain, suffering, more pain, and then a nasty breakup.


Honesty and openness are rarely grounds for rejection.  However, not owning up to known faults will reduce trust and rapport, especially in the early stages while you are both “getting to know each other”.

Now on to another very closely related issue.

Better to stumble than avoid

You guessed it, I’m now going to cover some of the same ground, only from your date’s perspective.

Men can be highly intuitive.  They generally know when they are being sold a “bill of goods” or not being told the “whole truth”.  It is therefore always better to stumble through an attempt at communication, than to sit on your feelings, heart felt opinions, and concerns.

So let’s examine some common scenarios and some examples of how you might handle them.

  • If you are having trouble finding the right words, tell him so.
    You could try: “I’m not sure how to say this, so here goes…
  • If you know you disagree, but are not quite sure how to explain yourself, tell him so.
    You could try:  “I understand your point of view but I feel somewhat differently, I’ll try and explain”.
  • If you are not sure  what to say but know you need to say something, you could try prequalify your comment by saying:   “I am not sure where I’m going with this, but……”
  • If you are struggling with a feeling but are unsure exactly what it is, let him know, and perhaps ask for some help. You could try:  “I’m not really sure how I feel about_______ but I know that I am feeling uncomfortable right now.”

You get the idea.

The point is that you if you make a sincere attempt at self disclosure, it will generally be met with support.  And he will respect you for trying.  Guys are all about “respect”.

On the flip side, if you simply avoid expressing yourself, your date may think that you are not really listening, trying to hide something or just plain don’t care.

So in conclusion,  you don’t have to always be swingin’ for for fences but to make a relationship work, you do have to take your turn at bat.  After all, relationships, at least between humans, by their very nature, involve “relating”.

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

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