Seven Qualities People Highly Value in a Committed Life Partner


Many folks have asked me what people really want in a committed life partner.

My extensive work both as a counselor and a relationship coach combined with years of professional education and training, and extensive reading has helped me to glean what most people seeking love really want in their life partner.

The following seven qualities were most often noted as being very highly valued by both singles seeking love and folks already in the process of building a loving, committed relationship.

In this context, I would also like to note that I see these seven qualities as foundational to building strong, deeply satisfying relationships that will stand up to the challenges that life inevitably brings.

And the winners are:

First and foremost, people desire a life partner who is reasonably well adjusted.

Most singles seeking to build mutually empowering relationships understand that ‘Mr./Ms. Perfect’ is not just going to slow up in their lives.

They correctly understand that we are all works in progress.

They also understand that everyone struggles in some are of their lives.  They tend to see this striving to be a ‘better human being’ as a positive attribute.

The second most highly valued trait is honesty.

When it comes to committed romantic partnerships, honesty and integrity are always at the top of the list of desirable qualities.

Easy enough to understand.

People simply want their partners to ‘walk their talk’, admit their mistakes, and have the courage to tell and receive ‘the hard truth’.

The third most highly valued quality is good listening skills.

Everyone wants to be heard and acknowledged.

Good listeners have learned to ask questions to understand rather than challenge.

People with good listening skills also generally understand that they don’t know everything, and perhaps just as importantly, they realize that they are not expected to know everything.

They also understand that they are not expected to solve their partner’s problems; but to support their partners as they ‘figure things out’.

They are generally open to perspectives and opinions that are different from those that they hold and can therefore learn form those around them.

People seeking love have repeatedly shared with me that they desire a partner who is ‘nice’.

No one wants to live with someone who is mean spirited and selfish.

No one.

Being ‘nice’ is not a marked lack of capacity to assert oneself.

Rather, ‘being nice’ is the capacity to see what others need and act accordingly as personal resources and circumstances allow.

Qualities like generosity, being kind, being of service, being empathetic and showing compassion for others all come to mind.

People seeking love want to share their lives with someone who can be spontaneous and have fun.

Life is short.  The present is all we really have.

As the Greeks said, “Carpe Diem”, translated: “seize the day.”

The capacity to be fun and spontaneous is often cited as one of the most sought after qualities in a life partner.

I can not tell you how many times single seeking love have simply told me, “I just want someone to have fun with; enjoy life with.”

Another highly valued quality can best be described as being slow to judge.

Mutually satisfying partnerships simply require patience, forbearance, and tolerance.

Since we are all ‘works in progress’, making a partnership work for the long run requires a good dose of these qualities.

Mature, reasonably well-adjusted people know this to be true and consistently put being ‘slow to judge’ at the top of their list of desirable qualities.

Two closely related qualities are ‘tolerance’ and the capacity to truly forgive.

Being tolerant does not mean that one puts up with repeated, conscious malicious and/or injurious behavior.

Rather, from my world-view, being ‘tolerant’ reflects a person’s own self-awareness that they too sometimes engage in behavior and speech that is not sensitive to the needs and feelings of others.

It is precisely this self-awareness that allows them to be patient with those around them who are truly striving to become more sensitive, loving human beings.

The capacity to fully forgive others for perceived wrongs is essential to building loving, committed relationships that will stand the test of time.

Resentment and love don’t make good housemates!

The truth is that well-adjusted adults don’t ‘keep score’.  They forgive, forget, and move on.

What if you don’t posses all of these qualities to the extent that you would like? 

From my vantage point this is actually good news!


The simple answer:

You have another desirable quality: humility.

You can see yourself accurately and are probably more than willing to do the inner and outer work to manifest more of the loving person that you already are in your heart of hearts.

Seek to develop the qualities that you most desire in a life partner.

When it comes to developing these qualities, most people, myself included, have a lot of work to do!!!

It’s the striving that matters.

Personal development takes time.

Be patient with yourself.

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

I invite you to support our community by posting a comment or question on my blog.

I am here if you need me.

See you next week.

Live, connect, love and prosper

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  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

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