Pursuing a Committed Romantic Relationship When Children Are Involved

WELCOME!

Dating is complicated.

Today’ post will explore some important and often overlooked issues that simply must be considered when pursuing romantic love when children are involved.

There are many successful, attractive men and women seeking romantic love that already have children from a previous marriage or relationship.

These people can certainly make wonderful, loving, committed partners.

Building a committed relationship with a person under these circumstances presents unique and often overlooked challenges.

Things become even more complicated if you both have children.

My own experiences dating women with children

My first experience with living with someone with children was when my first wife and I became deeply romantically involved.

She was beautiful and we were ‘in love’. 

She brought two precious, beautiful boys aged 5 and 7 from her first marriage to our relationship

I was only 26 years old, and simply did not heed the signs, that pursuing a committed, long term relationship with her might not be the best idea.

In fact it turned out very badly, and how she managed, or more accurately, failed to manage her two young boys greatly contributed to our marital strife and eventual divorce.

Things worked out badly for everyone involved, especially for her two children.

It’s always the children who pay the highest price for our relationship mistakes.

Did I really learn all of the lessons about dating people with children from my failed first marriage?

Of course not!

I fully own the primary reason why:  I simply did not take the time to adequately reflect on my experiences and especially, my feelings.

So a couple years after my first wife divorced me, I briefly dated another woman with two young children, a boy and girl, aged 10 and 13.

However, this time around I was becoming somewhat wiser about my relationship choices, and decided not to pursue a long-term committed relationship.

And yes, her children were one reason.

Now unlike my first wife’s children, these children were well managed, generally well behaved, and seemed to like me-but at that point in my life, I simply could not see myself living with children on a daily basis.

My second wife, Julia, has a son that I absolutely adore and fortunately by the time we got together I had a little more wisdom regarding how to handle this aspect of our relationship.

What follows is some of what I learned.

The age-old saying ‘look before you leap’ is particularly relevant to our discussion.

Blind Love Verses Conscious, Fully-Committed Love

Falling in love is really like no other experience in life.

While I encourage you to savor the process, for love to grow beyond what I call ‘the initial connection of passion’ into the conscious, committed, mutually fulfilling love that you and your partner so deeply desire you both must do the inner work of love.

The inner work of love starts and ends with you and, should start now, regardless of your relationship status.

Here is a direct link to my post, ‘The Inner Work of Love’, which explores some important steps anyone, at any stage in the dance of love can take:

http://inspiredcommitment.com/the-inner-game-of-relationships/the-inner-work-of-love/

Some important Steps that will help YOU to create and maintain a Conscious, Loving, Committed Relationship, especially if precious children are involved:

  • Get crystal clear on what you want for yourself, for your new partner, and for the children – yours and/or theirs
  • Openly discuss everything that comes up for you about your vision
  • Always be honest, transparent, and authentic
  • Strive to keep the lines of communication open.

You are always building your relationship house; make yours one that will stand up to the challenges that life inevitably brings!

  • Do what it takes to stay inspired- spend the time money, and effort to take regular breaks and just be together.
  • It’s the relationship that matters –Please keep in mind that you must put daily effort into staying connected- complacency is one of the root causes of all failed relationships.

Steps YOU can take to develop more self-awareness and insight around a romantic situation that involves children.

  • Regular, careful reflection regarding your life, values, goals and priorities; this is sometimes called ‘self study’
  • Journal about what you are experiencing and especially your feelings around your experiences-this is especially important for men.
  • Talk with close personal friends about your triumphs and struggles. This can provide a deeper level of self-awareness and insight into your values, priorities, and situation.

I have provided some questions that you may want to ask yourself as you proceed down the path of love when children are involved:

  1. Are you a good fit for the children?
  2. Can you really see your self living on a day to day basis with these children?
  3. Do you think you can build a good relationship with these children?
  4. Can you as ‘a couple’ make all of this work?
  5. What sacrifices will you have to make to ‘make it work’?

I highly recommend journaling about each question.

Now ask your best friend to give you feedback on the same questions.

Be open to what they share.

That’s it for now.

Live, Connect, Love, Prosper

See YOU next week!

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

You will be guided through the steps for setting up your low cost session when you click on the ‘Sign Up Now’ button below:

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3 Comments »

Comment by stephen light
March 11, 2013 @ 5:02 am

Hey Ron

Raising children is not easy and I have to agree with you that a thorough check in before you go down that road at least aligns you as a couple.

Love & Courage


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