Minimizing The Stress in Intimate Relationships


From one perspective, a good amount of the stress associated with committed romantic love and even dating simply comes from not having a “game plan”.

Even folks who are using dating as a way to explore the potential of a long- term relationship with a particular person, have often shared with me that they frequently feel “stressed out” by their “developing” relationship.

So, if your dating or love life is bringing you more stress than you would like this post is for YOU!

Modern romantic love is quite a dance.

We are encouraged not to settle for less than we deserve and once we “land” the person of our dreams, we tend to simply expect that the relationship will just naturally live up to our hopes and dreams.

After all- we choose wisely.

Our partners are smart, sensitive, and well meaning.

We all also understand that relationships require a good amount of give and take.

So why do we still struggle so much?

The short answer:

We struggle so much because we often fail to discuss recurring stressful situations with our partners.

We avoid these discussions because we believe that they will be “difficult”.

We tell ourselves. “It’s not worth rocking the boat over…” and simply go about our lives ignoring the trouble lurking below the surface.

Instead of facing the problems head on we just choose to live with these recurring situations until one or both partners succumb to the repeated stress and get really upset.

Then we find ourselves in crises mode and a recurring situation that could have been amicably dealt with turns into a battle- generally over who’s “right” and who’s “wrong”.

No one “wins” and a recurring stressful situation that could have been amicably discussed thereby providing an opportunity to move closer ends up driving people who really care for each other apart.

All unnecessary!!!

Having a plan puts the mind at ease so that the heart can shine

Now I am not recommending talking about every little thing or uncomfortable situation that comes up.

I am also so not advising couples to establish guidelines for every aspect of their relationship.

I am recommending that partners discuss recurring stressful situations and collaboratively create a mutually agreeable plan for how to deal with these situations in the future.

I call the planning my wife and I consciously do around the most salient aspects of our lives: A designed Alliance.

Some situations (some of which were stressful) that my wife and I have consciously deigned our alliance around follow:

  • Transitions
  • Beginning of the day
  • End of the day
  • Household chores
  • Alone time
  • Time with her son
  • Time with friends (mutual and personal)
  • My career and educational objectives
  • Finances

What types of recurring stressful situations come up for you?

I encourage you to write them down now.

I also encourage you to set the intention to pick the least challenging recurring situation from your list and schedule a time to have an open discussion with your partner about how you can collaborate to make the situation better for both of you.

If you and your partner are experiencing recurring overly stressful situations, I recommend taking the following steps:

  1. Acknowledge that something is going on.
  2. Without blaming, bring up what’s on your mind. 
  3. Set a mutually convenient time for a discussion. 
  4. Fully support each other, while being true to your needs, feelings, etc.  
  5. Set up a time for a follow up discussion.  
  6. Celebrate YOUR efforts!!!

When the quality of the relationship is the top priority of both people in the relationship, then both parties do what it takes to keep the relationship healthy.

For me, “true love”, means that I will be true to the love in my heart for my beloved wife while fully honoring my own needs, desires, goals and so on.

Since in our case, the foundation of our relationship is our deep mutual commitment to each other, we both do whatever it takes to keep our precious relationship healthy.

I call this the Inner Work of Love.

In summary:

Conscious, mutually empowering, mutually fulfilling relationships are built through open discussion of what’s most important to both partners.

When two people make their love for one another their top priority while authentically acknowledging their own needs, desires, goals, and dreams, and so on, anything is possible!

A call to action:

What steps has this post inspired you to take with the person you are dating or, if you are in a committed relationship, with your partner?

Be courageous; take the steps your heart calls you to take!

Live, Connect, Love and Prosper

See YOU next week!

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

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1 Comment »

Comment by stephen light
July 11, 2013 @ 8:51 am

Dear Ron

I love the relationship as an entity and the steps are so easy.

Thanks Ron

Love & Courage

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