Making the Most of Online Dating


In last week’s post I shared four pivotal questions that I have found bring more clarity to romantic pursuits.

Today’s post will focus on some tips to help you use online dating services more effectively.

The last time I checked, well over 44 million people were using some form of online dating to connect with potential people to date.

Online dating services, while providing instant access to an almost unlimited number of potential dating partners, does not guarantee that you will connect with your soul mate.

Online dating has created it’s own unique set of problems and risks.

A Little About Online ‘Profiles’

The first thing that should be mentioned when discussing ‘online profiles’ is that people can post whatever they want.

While people are encouraged to be honest and accurate when creating their profile, nothing is actually ‘verified’.

Naturally, people seeking love attempt to create profiles that tend to show off what they consider to be their best qualities.

People seeking love don’t want to miss out on any potential opportunities and as a consequence present themselves as ‘desirable’ potential partners.

Add to this that the photos that folks include in their profiles don’t always accurately reflect a prospect’s current appearance.

I can’t tell you how many men use baseball caps to cover up their thinning hair.

Many women similarly use what I would call ‘glam shots’   for their profiles.

Online profiles have, for all practical purposes, evolved into ‘personal marketing’.

From what I can ascertain many people simply share what they think their audience wants to hear.

The limitations of written email communications also significantly add to the potential for unintentional miss-representation.

I have also found that many people simply don’t know themselves that well and just share how they see themselves.

Finally, the online dating services that claim to match you to potential partners through ‘scientifically created questionnaires’ simply use complex computer algorithms to create their recommended matches.

Unless you are using an actual matchmaking service, it is very likely that a person actually reviews profiles and recommends potential matches.

One more thing:

A friend of mind who took advantage of the ‘free communication period’ offered by an online dating service told me that she was informed by the service that she there was a person who was interested in her based on her profile.

The service also informed her that in order to get access to this person’s contact information that she needed to have a “paid subscription”.

So, she paid the subscription fee, only to find out that ‘the person of interest’ had actually not expressed any desire to contact her.

No ‘wink’… no nothing.

Now I want to read lightly here, but in essence from what  my friend told me, I believe that she was scammed.

I recommended that she file a complaint, which she did.

Falling in love with a ‘profile’

What a strange thing to say.

But it happens!!!!

Just the other day I had a conversation with a woman who shared that she had exchanged over forty emails with a guy she met online.

She also shared that they had three phone calls, but still have not set up a time and place to meet in person.

She expressed strong feelings of hope, anticipation and affection for a guy she has not even met in person!

Then I dug a little deeper and she told me that she was beginning to have very strong romantic feelings for this man- all based on email communications and three brief phone calls.


A better way forward

I recommend strongly considering adopting the following:

  • Understand that online profiles are all some-what misleading.
  • Make sure that your profile really represents you
    If you want a ‘real relationship’’ you must be honest, transparent, and forthright
  • Limit your email contacts to two or three communications.
  • Then have two or, at the most three, brief phone calls.
    It can be very difficult to really get to know someone over the phone.
  • If things seem right – trust your intuition– arrange to meet in person.
    • Always meet in a public place.
    • Always let a dependable friend or family member know the time, date, and location of your first meeting(s).  It is also a good idea to tell them the name of the person that you are meeting.
    • Keep your first meeting short – an hour or two.
    • Avoid consuming excessive alcohol on your first few ‘dates’.  One glass of wine, one cocktail, one beer…. should be sufficient.
    • Never go home with someone after one or two meetings. Aways put your safety first!!!

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

I am here if you need me.

I invite you to support our community by posting a comment or question on my blog. I am here if you need me.

See you next week.

Live, connect, love and prosper

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