“I need My Soul Mate to Be Complete”


I’ll begin by sharing a little of my own story regarding my rather circuitous path to the love of my life.

After my first wife divorced me I went through a period of discouragement, loneliness, and frustration.

I missed the companionship and regular physical intimacy that my marriage had provided.  It actually took me 18 months to go out on a real date.

Eighteen months.

When I finally did begin dating I made some very poor relationship choices.

You guessed it.

I proceeded, with undaunted enthusiasm, to date all the wrong women for all the wrong reasons.


Sound familiar?

This is because I had failed to make a very important distinction.

A distinction that could have saved me, and the poor gals I dated and broke up with, a lot of pain.

As it turns out, I had failed to make the critical distinction between finding fulfillment within my own being and my desire to be in a loving, mutually empowering, mutually fulfilling committed relationship. 

This confusion caused me to take a rather circuitous course to the love of my life.

This is because I hadn’t yet fully realized a very important relationship truth: that in order to find true fulfillment in a relationship, one must first find it within their own being. 

Please take moment to really embrace what I have just shared. 

It from this context that I would like you to consider the following statement:

I need my “My Soul Mate” to be complete

An innocuous thing we tell ourselves, or is it?

You know the idea that if you just hookup with the right person, one that brings out the “best” in you, your life will be all its meant to be.

Ask yourself:

Is this really true?

Do I really need another person to “complete” me?

What are the consequences of buying into this assumption?

Feeling a little uneasy?

What red flags are coming up for you?

One reason why this assumption gets so much traction in our consciousness is because we fail to make the distinction between complimentary and codependent relationships.

For our purposes here, when I refer to complimentary relationships, I am referring to relationships between two reasonably well-adjusted people who generally take responsibility for their own happiness and well being.

Power in these relationships is shared and there is ample opportunity for individual personal growth.  Such relationships have what it takes to go the distance.

On the other hand, when I refer to codependent relationships, I am talking about relationships between generally poorly adjusted people where neither party really takes responsibility for their own happiness and well being.

Power in such relationships is generally one sided and there is not ample opportunity for individual personal growth. Such relationships often end in separation and estrangement.

Some other points worth considering:

When assessing our current life circumstances, it should also be obvious that it is far easier to simply blame our current unhappiness on our lack of a committed relationship, rather than exploring ways to find happiness within ourselves in our current situation.

The fact is that blaming others and circumstances for our unhappiness is always easier than taking responsibility for our lives.

Taking the steps to improve our outlook and circumstances requires real work that is simply often easier to avoid.

Finally, if you want to attract that positive, loving, life partner of your dreams, you need to be in a positive, self-accepting place yourself.

If you want to find true love, start by fully accepting yourself as you are now.

The truth is that misery attracts misery and happiness attracts happiness.

So what’s it gonna be?

Now I’ve done it.

By now you’re either on the verge of leaving my site or really wanting to dive in and swim in the ocean of conscious, mutually empowering relationship.

Here we go!

We all enjoy the companionship a loving relationship brings.

However, when pressed, we all also realize that no one can really make us happy.

Common sense tells us that people who share common interests, activities, goals, and so on seem to get along better than those folks with little or no common interests.

We all also have experienced strong relationships that are comprised of two self reliant, independent people.  Strong, self-reliant people tend to form relationships that are powerful, dynamic, intriguing, mutually empowering and lasting.

I believe that what creates the “magic” in longstanding, loving committed, mutually empowering, mutually fulfilling relationships is the fact that both partners find fulfillment, joy, and completeness within themselves which is then “amplified” in the process of sharing it with their partner.

Put another way:

It is the synergy between the two whole, responsible human beings in relationship that makes that relationship fresh, alive, powerful, magical, dynamic, intriguing, and lasting.

So while it is true that people in mutually fulfilling, loving, committed relationships share common activities, interests, values, beliefs, and so on.

It is also clearly not true that they somehow “complete each other.”

Rather, they compliment each other.

In fact, if you ask people of both sexes who are in long standing, mutually empowering, committed, loving relationships, in most cases they will tell you that they are truly happy with themselves. 

Self-reliance and independence are essential building blocks for strong, lasting, mutually empowering committed relationships.

Couples in complimentary relationships comprised of self reliant committed partners are more tolerant of each other and can leave each other in freedom to pursue unshared interests and activities alone or with friends as well as enjoying time spent together.

This is because their individual sense of self worth is not overly dependent on their partner.  Since they can stand on their own two feet, they are better equipped to give their partners more freedom.

On the other hand, couples who have strong codependent tendencies working in their relationship, are far less likely to be able to allow their partners reasonable freedoms.

In fact surveys of couples on the verge of divorce found that in many cases there was considerable, but unwarranted  “distrust”, when it came to unshared activities their partners engaged in alone or with their friends.

In Conclusion:

Self-reliance builds independence which, together, help form the foundation for strong, committed, lasting relationships.

Two strong, self-reliant people who love each other become both unstoppable and inseparable.

Think about it.

Ask Yourself:

Do you really want a partner that is counting on you to make them happy?


Do you want a partner who has found happiness within themselves and is looking for someone to share it with?

The choice is yours!

The advantage of being in your situation (being single) is that you can start over!

Some questions to ask yourself:

*  Are you currently standing on “solid ground”?

*  What besides a loving relationship is missing in your life?

* Who won the World Cup in 1992?  (sorry, this was entered in error, the person responsible for this entry has been sacked).

You can be yourself and build the relationship of your dreams.

To build the relationship you really want, you must first be on solid ground yourself!

I got to marry my best friend and so can you!

Offered in support of mutually empowering, mutually fulfilling committed relationships.

Live, Connect, Love and Prosper

See YOU next week!

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

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1 Comment »

Comment by stephen light
June 13, 2013 @ 2:10 am

Thank you for sharing Ron

Definitely something I need to think about.

Love & Courage

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