How to Get a Next Date, Part One

How to Get a Next Date! – Part One

If you are reading this article, I am assuming that you are involved in the dating scene.

You may be looking for some new ideas to keep you inspired and moving in the right direction.

You may also be feeling a little overwhelmed, frustrated, and wondering how to make the best of your next dating opportunity.


After my divorce and before I started dating my wife

I remember how frustrated I was with the whole dating scene.

My confidence was shaken and I did not know where to start.

I knew that I missed the companionship of a committed loving,

partner, but was often in too much of a hurry to make

the best relationship choices.

How about you?

“Loving Couple”

The following discussion includes some tips I learned through the dating “school of hard knocks” that I hope will assist you on your path to your true love.

Now let’s get you ready to make the most of your dating opportunities.

Become and stay curious

In our fast paced, goal directed society conversations tend to be shallow. We tend to focus on immediate material needs, relatively superficial interests, events at school or work, and gossip. Rarely does anybody really show a deep, sincere interest in us: our dreams, hopes, and aspirations.

When was the last time a new acquaintance just wanted to find out about you? The real you: Your interests, passions, favorite activities, views on life, dreams for the future, etc. ?

Exactly.

We remember these conversations because they are so rare.

By demonstrating a sincere interest in your date you are giving him the opportunity to be himself. The more you can put your date at ease the faster you both will get past that uncomfortable “new date experience” and actually move toward being yourselves and enjoying each other. I would also like to point out that curiosity is contagious: the more interest you show in him, the more interest he will show in you. Finally, the more you both discover about each other the more likely it is that you will form a relationship that is mutually fulfilling.

 

Be authentic

You can probably recall a time when you shared with a colleague or friend that you were “nervous” about your upcoming date with a special someone. Your friend or colleague may have tried to reassure you by reminding you to “just be yourself”.

We all value authenticity.

Easy enough to understand. While it is important to treat your date with respect and observe common sense expressions of courtesy, it is also important to keep in mind that dating is a two way process of discovery.

I emphasize this point because it is too easy to fall into the please your date at all costs trap.

Relax.

Be yourself.

If you disagree with his expressed point of view, politely tell him so.

If you don’t like his favorite dessert, don’t pretend that you do.

You are looking for a compatible partner.
Without being overbearing, take advantage of opportunities to express your true feelings, beliefs, expectations etc. when it is appropriate to do so.

Authenticity on your part, encourages authenticity on his part.

In relationships, you are always building your “relationship” house and setting expectations for future interactions.

Always.

Get off to a good, solid start this time!

Build your “relationship house” on the solid ground of “authenticity”.


Be patient

Real relationships take time to develop. I cannot tell you how many times my strong will and lack of patience caused me to become intimately involved with the wrong person.

Trust me.

Take your time!

Take it from someone who got to marry their best friend:

Become good friends first.   Friendship provides a solid foundation on which true romance can thrive.


Your new dating marching orders:

I will allow my new relationship with________________ to develop.

 

I know, you’re really ready to meet your True Love and build a life together. However, the deep emotional connections that form the basis of a long term, committed, mutually fulfilling relationship take time to develop and enjoying the process is one of the rewards of being patient. I might also add that as you both become more “comfortable” with each other you will discover qualities, interests, and issues that will allow you both to make choices you can truly live with. Better to end up as good friends, than go through a nasty break up that leaves you both disliking each other. Success in the “dating game” requires patience, judgment, and, you guessed it, more patience!

 

Keep your first few dates short

Many women and guys, for that matter, mistakenly think that if they just wow their date with an overwhelmingly wonderful time, that they will sweep them off of their feet and fall in love forever. Maybe this scenario holds true on the big screen, but it rarely plays out in real life.

Take a step back and consider the following.

A couple of hours provides sufficient time to begin the process of becoming comfortable with each other.

Some suggestions:

  • Meet for a walk in an inviting, natural setting
  • Share a cup of joe at an unusual coffee bar
  • Meet for lunch at a casual eatery
  • Enjoy an ice cream cone together


By keeping your first few encounters short you are providing an opportunity for both of you to relax, get to know one another, and begin the complex process of sussing each other out.

I also recommend avoiding your usual hangouts. This way you won’t be distracted by friends and acquaintances and can give your full attention to your date. In addition, a new environment tends to facilitate curiosity, a key component to engaging dates.

Finally, be sure that you find a place and/or activity that provides ample opportunity for conversation. For this reason, I recommend avoiding crowded bars at happy hour. If you decide to have a cocktail, pursue this outing at a quiet place.


Provide time between dates

Ok, you’ve met a really cool guy, been out on a couple dates, and things are going well. Time to pick up the pace.

Not so fast, Peggy Sue.

Remember You’re not “Miss Desperate”!

and

You’re not playing the “hard to get” game either!

You are seeking True Love.

Keep your focus on the prize!

By allowing at least several days between dates you are giving you and your new friend time to process your experiences together. I cannot over emphasize the importance of the time between your dates. Falling in love is a process, not an event. Take your time. Savor the process. You’ll be glad you did!


Always follow up with a phone call

Be sure to phone your guy and thank him for making the time to spend with you. In our busy lives it is often easy to overlook this important opportunity to reconnect. The purpose of this call is not to set up a next date but simply to express your appreciation for her time and effort. During the call, it will become clear if a next date is on the table.

I  sincerely hope that you have found some useful “food for thought” in this article.

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

You will be guided through the steps for setting up your low cost session when you click on the ‘Sign Up Now’ button below:

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