How to Avoid Throwing the ‘Baby’ Out with the ‘Bathwater’


The other day I was engaged in a conversation with a very bright, spiritually awake and thoughtful woman about the process of what many commonly refer to as ‘visioning’.

As a seasoned Love and relationship coach, I assist singles and couples in creating a living vision of their desired relationship that is in alignment with their deepest values.

We then work together to identify their unique roadblocks to love and develop strategies to help them leave the land of ‘disappointing relationships’ once and for all, and move steadily toward that loving, committed, mutually fulfilling relationship of their dreams.

The process unfolds differently for every Client and through it all I help them avoid a very common pitfall that entangles many seekers on the path to true, lasting love.

Are you curious about what that common pitfall is and how to avoid it?

To truly serve our deepest desires, visioning must be tempered with being open to possibility. 

This requires inner preparation.

We often run into trouble when we attempt to use our visioning as a road map instead of a compass.

Think about it.

Roadmaps have well defined routes, places with names, clearly specified terrain, etc.  We use them to travel from point ‘A” to point ‘B’.

From my world-view, ‘visioning’ is intended to serve as a ‘compass’ and not as a ‘road map’. 

Visioning is intended to help us stay headed in the right direction.  To keep us on course; help us say ‘yes’ to a truly fulfilling situation and ‘no’ to a less fulfilling alternative choice.

Imagine crossing the vast Atlantic Ocean on a sailing vessel of old.  In those days captains did not have modern navigational aides like GPS, radar, and Satellite based weather reports.

In times past traversing the open ocean with no land in sight was a true act of faith.  Navigators utilized planetary bodies to keep them headed in the right direction.

From my view, seeking true lasting love is very similar.  One simply needs to be sure that they are truly headed in the right direction, be open and prepared for what they discover, and avoid the trap of unrealistic relationship expectations.

Many singles seeking love become entangled in their own expectations and therefore fail to see and properly respond to the relationship opportunities life puts on their doorstep.

They are constantly throwing the baby out with the bath water.

An example from my own life may serve to illustrate this point.

As some of you know, I have known my beloved wife, Julia, for many years.

We met in college and through the twists and turns of life, we both ended up in poorly matched relationships.

After she divorced her first husband, Julia asked me if I wanted to ‘date’.

My initial response was based on fear- fear of ruining our wonderful friendship.

However, through the Grace of God, I reconsidered because I was able to see Julia for the loving, compassionate, wise, and beautiful woman she is.

I didn’t let my vision- my ‘Ideal Life Partner list of must have qualities’- prevent me from seeing the wonderful opportunity life had placed at my doorstep.

Thank God I was able to see Julia for who she was and the potential relationship calling me.

I wisely responded appropriately to one of the greatest opportunities life has bestowed on me.  I took the step toward true, lasting love.

Julia and I have been together for over 9 years and have been married for over 7 loving years.

So my question to you:

Has your vision of your ideal life partner and the life you want together made you less able to see the relationship opportunities life has put on your doorstep?

Food for thought:

  • Seek progress, not perfection
  • Seek what’s possible rather than what’s probable.

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See you next week.

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  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
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