Haloes, Horns, and Love, Part Two


This is the second in a series of posts that will focus on some important personal tendencies that tend to perpetuate the cycle of mismatched, broken relationships.

This post is a must read for anyone who truly wants to get their love life on track once and for all.

In last week’s post, I pointed out that dating and committed romantic partnership involves a process of mutual disclosure and discovery.

Two areas of focus:

1.  You
2.  Your potential / existing partner

Yes, you.

In many cases, relationship ‘red flags’ tend to focus almost entirely on the person that you are dating or are in partnership with.

Making wise long-term relationship choices requires paying close attention to many factors including, but not limited to:

  • How your sweetie treats you, your friends, colleagues and family members (especially children)
  • His or her habits of self-care,
  • General life style choices

What is all too often overlooked is the importance of examining our own tendencies and patterns of being relationship.

Horns and you

So what exactly do I mean by ‘horns’?

‘Horns’ are patterns of thought, speech and action that are overly judgmental, controlling, or, in extreme cases, emotionally and even physically abusive.

Some questions for your consideration:

How did your last romantic partnership end?  Are you still feeling hurt and disappointed?

Are you quick or slow to judgment about other people’s behavior?

How well do you mange your anger?

Are you truly forgiving?

Did you tend to ‘keep score’?

(e.g., I did this for him, so he should do that for me.)

Do find yourself setting high expectations and then being disappointed when your partner didn’t live up to them?

Have you ever been abandoned or feel that you have been abandoned?

Do you tend to leave your romantic partners in freedom to be them-selves or do you try and exercise a lot of influence over their attitudes and behavior?

Do you act out of fear, guilt, or true love?

If any of the above questions resonates with you I invite you to journal about it.

It is through the process of asking questions and questioning answers – all from the high ground of faith in your-self – that we can come to know the true motives behind all of our ambitions, speech, and actions.

Do the work; get the results.

I guarantee it.

“Our own cognition is sufficient to answer the questions posed by our own nature.”  Rudolf Steiner

The first solid step on the path to true lasting love is honest self-examination.


Horns and potential / existing partner

As mentioned earlier, ‘horns’ are patterns of thought, speech and action that are overly judgmental, controlling, or, in extreme cases, emotionally and even physically abusive.

When it comes to evaluating our own romantic relationship(s) it can be very difficult to be ‘objective’.

The more physically attracted we are to a particular partner, the harder it can be to see the truth of our relationship.

Some things to consider:

Do you feel that you can be completely open with your partner?

If not, why? And What sorts of issues are you afraid to bring up with him / her?

Does your partner have their anger under their control?

Is he / she forgiving or do they ‘keep score’?

In this context, if your partner is emotionally or physically abusive, get help and seriously consider separating.  The life you save may be your own.

Has your partner ever forced them-selves on you sexually or insist that you engage in sexual activities that you are not entirely comfortable with?

Is your partner ‘authentic’, ‘transparent’, and open?

How does he / she treat your / their children?

How does your partner’s friends treat you?

Does your partner keep their word?  Does he / she do what they say they are going to do?

When you try and discuss an important issue, does your partner really listen or does he / she quickly change the subject?

Does your partner seem reasonably emotionally available?

(A marked lack of the capacity to connect emotionally can be a huge ‘red flag’.)

If any of the above questions resonates with you I invite you to journal about it.

Mutually empowering, committed partnerships just don’t magically happen.

We must create them.

The work of building a strong, committed romantic partnership is challenging and, at the same time, rewarding beyond measure.

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

If you would like to further explore any of the issues I have raised in this post, please feel free to email me at:


I would be delighted to set up a time to talk with you.

I invite you to support our community by posting a comment or question on my blog. I am here if you need me.

See you next week.

Live, connect, love and prosper


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During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

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