Going for ‘Gold’ in the Land of LOVE and Fulfillment, Part Two


Last week’s post focused on the importance of celebrating your efforts and successes on your path to love and fulfillment.

This week I would like to continue that discussion.

Dealing with less than expected or desired outcomes.

What we tell ourselves when things don’t work out as planned can be even more important than celebrating our efforts and successes.

This is because we often label outcomes that fall short of our expectations as ‘failures’. 

Once we have labeled an outcome as ‘a failure’, a whole slew of negative self-judgments generally ensue.

We have bought into the idea that because our actions did not yield ‘acceptable results’, that we ourselves are ‘failures’.

This sort of negative ‘self talk’ inevitably elicits feelings of regret, shame and guilt that can rob you of your drive to move forward with your life.

When we succumb to such patterns of thought and feeling, our lives are being ruled by ‘the dark side of the force’.

We have blocked the path to true, lasting love with a pile of debris created by our own negativity.

It doesn’t have to be this way!!!

Learning to view failure as a necessary part of learning can help us be open to the life lessons we are here to learn.

Our children are our teachers

Have you ever watched a toddler learning to walk?

They fall, plop, take many miss-steps but they keep trying until they can walk on their own.

Simply put we struggle to learn to walk because were born with the drive and capacities to do so.

Learning to walk provides the opportunity for other related capacities to develop –such as our senses of touch, balance, sight, hearing, and even our sense of self.

This is true for all learning.

In summary: learning in one area builds on previous learning and sets the stage for growth and development in all related areas of our lives.

Learning is both cumulative and integrative.

While just about all humans have the capacity to learn to give and receive love, we all begin our learning at different points.

Full effort is full victory.

Keys to remaining empowered and truly free to choose in life and love:

Avoid the ‘drama of failure’.

Getting caught up in the ‘drama of failure’ only serves to keep us stuck and discouraged.

Do you want to move forward with your life or stay stuck and discouraged?

If you want to truly move forward with your life then get over yourself!

No one has ever succeeded at anything significant by dwelling on how badly things turned out, how ‘stupidly’ they behaved, blaming others, or by dwelling on any other such negative, self-defeating rubbish.

They succeeded because, just like the toddler learning to walk, they got back up again and renewed their efforts!

Once again, full effort is full victory!

Learn to view failure as your friend and teacher.

Successfully adapting to the challenges of life constantly requires us to explore new ways of thinking and behaving.

We tend to over look this fact because we are so caught up in the results we are striving to attain.

Getting different results simply requires us to try out different ways of thinking and behaving.

This requires, dare I say it, experimentation and risk.

Give yourself full permission to experiment.

Create and test.

Try seeing life as a ‘grand experiment’.

You can create the life you want.

You also can choose to enjoy the process!

It’s like trying on new shoes.

The one’s we are first attracted to might not fit so well.

So we try another pair, then another, then another, until we find something we like that our feet like as well!

Romantic love is lot like trying on shoes!

You don’t really know how good the fit is until you try being together for a while.

Strive to maintain a positive attitude.

A positive attitude attracts positive circumstances and outcomes.

When you find yourself slipping into the ‘abyss of negativity’, do everything you can to regain the solid ground afforded by a healthy, positive attitude.

Go for a walk, meditate, re-focus your mind on all that you are grateful for-do what ever works for you to get you feeling light and positive.

Strive to remain ‘objective’.

In times of challenge it is important to remain sufficiently objective so that we can actually learn and integrate the lessons of life and move forward toward our goals.

Problem solving requires rational, logical thinking.

Striving to maintain objectivity helps us to ‘keep our heads’ and allows us the freedom to ‘respond’ rather than ‘react’ to a ‘difficult’ situation.

The bottom line:

I believe that healthy humans not only have deeply evolved capacities for positive social connection and interaction, but that it is in our very nature to continue to grow in this regard.

How about you?

What new things are you going to try?

I leave you with this positive affirmation:

“I am a child of God.

I was created in love.

I am worthy of love.

I am committed to love.

I can succeed in love.

I invite the one I am intended to be with into my heart and life”.

If the above positive affirmation resonates with you and your world-view, I invite you to memorize it and say it to yourself every morning before you start your day and every evening before going off to dream land.

I hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

See you next week.


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1 Comment »

Comment by williamtrimpi
August 21, 2012 @ 6:29 pm

How easy it is to for me to effort at my work, and with my spouse, and still feel unfullfilled, and unacknowledged! That deserves the exclamation point. What is true is: i am continually striving to make the choices which will bring the most resonance and harmony. Thank you Ron for bringing this to my attention-Bill

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