Friendship and Romantic Love


Friendship and ‘chemistry’.

Both need to be present to keep committed, romantic love on track.

As with many things in life, finding the balance is the key to having a life you truly love.

Some statistics and ideas to consider

When considered from my perspective, as a person who helps folks to establish, build, and maintain committed romantic relationships, the statistics on the divorce rate in America are deeply troubling.

The very fabric of our American culture- the nuclear family- seems to be in real trouble.

For Your consideration:

Fifty one percent of all first marriages end in divorce

Sixty six percent of all second marriages end in divorce.

Ninety percent of all third marriages end in divorce.

The picture becomes even more troubling when you also take into consideration three other important factors:

  • The statistics cited were gathered from men and women aged 15 to 44 years of age (the age range in which 99.7 % of all births occur) so not all divorces are even represented.
  • The above noted statistics also do not address the rate of separation among couples that simply choose to cohabitate and then split up because no statistical data is gathered regarding this growing group.
  • Here’s the “kicker:

Many folks choose to stay in what can only be objectively judged to be ‘dysfunctional marriages’ due to financial pressures, children, family pressures to stay together, societal stigmas and issues around divorce, etc.  

When all of these factors are considered, perhaps one in ten marriages are truly happy, ‘functional’, and mutually fulfilling.


So what to do?

Let’s start by considering one of my favorite quotes on the topic of friendship and marriage.

“It’s not the lack of love, but the lack of friendship that makes marriages unhappy”

Source: Friedrich Nietzsche

The cultural roots of the problem

Our western materially based, results driven, status oriented culture in many instances simply overly emphasizes the superficial.

Superficial = unsustainable

Some important myths to dispel

Romantic love and sex

Our western ‘culture’ around romantic love is very artificially skewed toward the sensual, physical side of romantic relationships.

Our partners must be ‘hot’ looking, great in bed, and always available to meet our sensual desires.

Romance and the myth of staying forever young

We are also told that our partners must stay forever young and fit.

What rubbish.

We all age and the solution for growing older is not to date someone twenty or more years younger so that our sexual fantasies can be endlessly fulfilled.

The myth of the perfect partner

Add to this that our partners must also be creative, intelligent, witty, fun – even glamorous.

Our Partners must be perfect -a standard that is not only unrealistic but impossible to meet, and certainly not in any way sustainable.

The You can and have it all lie

Sorry, you can’t have it all.

Believing so will simply bring you and the lives you touch, endless frustration.

You can have what actually fulfills you.

That’s how human beings are ‘wired’.

More on this idea later.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the hill

Romantic relationships have essentially become like cars- if you don’t like the one you’re driving just trade it in on a newer, sleeker, faster, cooler model.

Part of the problem is that we have unconsciously bought into the idea that, when it comes to romantic love- the grass is always greener on the other side of the hill.

It isn’t.

The main-stream media and the advertising pundits have become really good at constantly throwing all of this in our face.

The primary reason –profit.

Why all of this is so serious

Broken relationships, separations, and divorce are all very traumatic.

Repeated relationship trauma will discourage even the most emotionally strongest among us.

Repeated relationship trauma leads to the land of regret, which, if not properly managed, leads to the land of deep-seated resentment.

Deep-seated resentment, if not really dealt with always leads to bitterness – the love killer.


This is one reason why more people are living alone today than at any other time in our nation’s history.

It’s easier to give up on finding true love than to keep trying.

It doesn’t have to be this way!

Le’s return to the quote about friendship and marriage from the famous philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche:

“It’s not the lack of love, but the lack of friendship that makes marriages unhappy”.

I would also like to add one of my favorite mottos to the mix.

“I get to sleep with my best friend every night, and so can you!”

I have had this motto on the back of my business card for about two years now and the reaction of people who read it at networking events has been nothing short of ‘eye opening’.

After reading this motto, both men and women usually smile and some even giggle.

All most all of  the singles that have read this motto who have also indicated that they are seeking a committed partner, tell me:

“That’s what I want!”

The next words out their mouths are typically:

“How to I find that person!”

Have I peaked your curiosity?

Tune in next week …. (LOL)

The solution starts and ends with you.

Our desires are ours to manage.

Please pause for a moment to let this idea in.

The reason that I devoted so much effort to sharing the statistics as well as the cultural influences on our views concerning romantic love was to raise awareness.

All lasting change starts with our awareness.

We can mange our desires so that we seek things, circumstances, and relationships that are actually attainable, sustainable, mutually empowering, and deeply mutually  fulfilling!

All of us are not supper models, media personalities, geniuses, and the like.

That said, all of us can attain reasonably crafted romantic relationship goals.

Life involves making choices.

Adult choices almost always involve compromise.

Compromise does not mean that you are ‘settling for less than you deserve’.

There is a delicate dance between creating a living vision regarding romantic partnership and being realistic.

If you can’t figure this one out-get some help!

Where to start:

If you are seeking love

Begin crafting your vision of your life with your ideal partner that is based on a deep and growing friendship.

If you are building a committed romantic relationship

If you are in the process of building a committed romantic relationship focus on developing your friendship.

If you are in a well established, committed relationship

If you are in a well-established, committed romantic relationship – especially if  ‘the well’ seems to be drying up – focus on rekindling your friendship.

When it all said and done and you are in the final chapter of your life what will really matter is the emotional closeness that you and your partner have built together.

A call to action

Carpe diem- ‘seize the day’

I invite YOU to make the commitment to build your romantic love on the enduring and unbelievably fulfilling foundation of true friendship.

I get to sleep with my best friend every night and so can you!

Put your efforts and spend your precious resources on what really matters.

Life is short and fleeting

The moment is now!

Live, Connect, Love, Love and Prosper.

See YOU next week!

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

You will be guided through the steps for setting up your low cost session when you click on the ‘Sign Up Now’ button below:

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1 Comment »

Comment by stephen light
April 4, 2013 @ 9:33 am

Dear Ron

This really hit home and made me sad for relationships.

When all of these factors are considered, perhaps one in ten marriages are truly happy, ‘functional’, and mutually fulfilling.

Your role in this world is HUGE so keep making a difference.

Thank you

Love & Courage
Stephen Light

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