Five Keys to More Successful Dating

This week’s post will provide you with some clear, actionable steps that will help you to:

  • reduce the stress around dating
  • make dating more productive
  • have more fun with dating

Dating is both a blessing a curse.

It is a blessing because you get to explore possible relationships.  It is a curse mostly because of the stuff we put ourselves through as we try and find true, lasting love.

What we tell ourselves in our thoughts and feelings has a profound impact on our experiences in the moment and forms the basis of how our lives will unfold in the future.

What follows is based on sound, established principles of modern cognitive psychology.

The five keys to more successful dating

1.    Slow down and pay attention to your internal dialogue.
2.    Reflect- take note of any negative self-statements and write them down.
3.    Consider how what you tell yourself is likely to impact your dating experience and the quality of your life in the present.
4.    Replace any self-defeating/self-limiting beliefs with ones that are self-empowering.
5.    Implement- put what you have learned into action.

Slow down and pay attention to your internal dialogue

The fast pace of modern life does not lend itself to the age old, proven method of self-study.

We simply generally don’t make much time to pause, reflect, and regroup.

In order to quickly learn and implement the lessons of life we need to slow down and pay attention to how we actually respond to the myriad of challenges life inevitably brings.

Our internal dialogue is simply what psychologists call what we tell ourselves in our thoughts and feelings and, at times, even speak out-loud to ourselves.

Much of what we say to ourselves is positive, motivating, and uplifting.

For example, a woman seeking true love might tell herself how stunning she looks in her new outfit.

All of us also tell ourselves negative, dis-empowering things as well.

For example, the same woman might just as easily tell herself that she would be a lot more attractive to the kind of guy she really wants to attract if she were 10 – 15 pounds thinner.

How would the person in our example really know that?

Perhaps her true love is actually attracted to “normal” women with a fuller figure.  All men do not buy into the Hollywood “skinny girl”  idea of beauty.

I know because I am a man!

What’s coming up for you?

Reflect, take note of any negative self-statements and write them down

It is important to refrain from any negative self-judgments.  

Remember, we all tell ourselves negative things from time to time.

Give yourself a break!

This is one reason why I highly recommend journaling about what you observe.

Writing our observations down allows us to see ourselves and our behavior in a more objective and often more compassionate light.

It also provides motivation for us to make any changes that we deem necessary.

Consider how what you tell yourself is likely to impact your dating experience and the quality of your life in the present.

Just as it is important to refrain form any negative self-judgments, it is just as important to be completely honest with yourself.

Ask yourself how is what you have been telling yourself likely to impact your dating experience and the quality of your life in the present.

I mention your life in the present because no man worthy of your affections will want to date you if you are unhappy with your life.

One of the things that attracted my wife to me was my general joyful presence and fun loving spirit.

In our example, it should be evident that telling yourself that you will never attract the kind of man that you really want until you loose 10 – 15 pounds, will undermine your capacity to attract any man worthy of your attention.

People naturally confirm and mirror what we believe about ourselves.

Replace any self-defeating/self-limiting beliefs with ones that are self-empowering

Your mind is your domain to manage. 

In this step all you have to do is ask yourself: what do I want to tell myself that will help me to achieve my ultimate relationship goal –e.g. a man who will cherish and adore me for who I am?

To follow our example, you might try replacing, “I will never attract the kind of man I want with these extra 10 – 15 pounds” with  “I am beautiful and sexy just the way I am and my true love will see what a catch I truly am with the body I have now”.

What if you just don’t really believe …  relax.

Happy couples come in all sizes shapes, colors, etc.

My wife and I are just ordinary people who have developed an extraordinary love.

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love.”  Tony Robbins

Implement

Now put what you have learned into action.

“Information without implementation is clutter.” Bill Baren, Business and self-development coach extraordinar

I invite you to just put it all together and try this method out.

Be curious.

In fact, try as much as possible to let go of all judgment and just be curious about how this all will work.

This will make your dating experiences more fun, interesting, and lighter.

Create and test.  It is all up to you.

Summary:

What we tell ourselves in our thoughts and feelings has a profound impact on our experiences in the moment and forms the basis of how our lives will unfold in the future.

If you follow this method you can begin to reshape your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and so on to be more in alignment with the beautiful, loving person that you already are in your soul.

This will help you to attract more compatible men.

Anyone can do this work.

Anyone.

Do the work.  Get the results.

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

I welcome your comments and questions.

Live, Connect, Love and Prosper

See YOU next week!

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  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
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  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
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1 Comment »

Comment by stephen light
September 11, 2013 @ 5:37 am

Wise and insightful words Ron

Fortunately Frances didn’t catch me reading an article on dating. Then again I do need to date her too.

Love & Courage


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