Expectations and the Pursuit of Romantic Partnership


The other day I was having a conversation with a gentleman seeking to attract his “perfect match”.

When asked about his dating preferences he shared with me that he only dates woman who are at least 10 years younger than him who are fit, very physically attractive, sexy, fun-loving, “flirty”, kind, smart, and financially secure and responsible.

In America, some people would say that this man is on the hunt for what is often referred to here as a “Trophy Wife”.

This gentleman understandably expressed a lot of frustration around getting these types of woman to go out with him.

I guess that he thought that I had some secret strategies that would help him to attract a woman who met his extensive and very particular requirements.

Curious about what I told him?

Unfortunately, this man was not receptive to my rather direct attempts to encourage him to ‘expand’ his vision of his ideal life partner to be a little more ‘inclusive’.

The guy I am describing is not alone.

A good many singles (men & women) seeking love have shared with me exhaustive lists of desired traits and qualities that no real person could ever possess.

While I don’t ever encourage people to simply ‘settle’ for whoever comes their way, I believe that people seeking sustainable romantic partnership need to be little more open-minded.

A better way forward

If you want to build a committed partnership that will stand the test of time, then it is very important to carefully consider what you really want in a life partner.

For me, this included creating realistic expectations.

My list of desired qualities was short and sweet:

  • Loving
  • Reasonably healthy and attractive
  • Spiritually ‘awake’
  • Able to enjoy life, ‘joyful’
  • Emotionally available and supportive
  • Grateful
  • Enjoys Music

What is coming up for you?


I invite you to journal for one week about the core character qualities and other important traits that you most desire in a committed life partner.

I also recommend including some activities that you would enjoy doing with your love.  In my list above I included “enjoys music” because music is a very important part of my life.

Then narrow your list down to seven qualities that are most important to you.

I have found that it is most productive to:

  • Begin by getting in touch with your most salient values around romantic partnership.
  • Focus on the life you want more than the exact person you want.
  • When considering the desired personal qualities of your ideal partner, focus on the core character qualities that will support the kind of relationship that you want and deserve…. Then never settle for less.

Now ask yourself:

Do I have these qualities?

It is also important to become clear on what you bring to committed romantic partnership.

I also invite you to journal about what you bring to committed romantic partnership.

When dating or building a new relationship it is very important to know what you bring to committed partnership and to also be aware of any areas where you struggle a bit.

Some other important things to keep in mind

  • Strive to develop the core character qualities in yourself that you would most value in a life partner
  • Stay open to possibility
  • Always remember that dating is a process of mutual exploration
  • When things don’t work out, find a way to move on graciously, without blame or resentment.

Some final thoughts

People grow, change, progress, regress and so on.

Building a loving, mutually empowering committed partnership takes time, collaborative effort, patience, forgiveness, forbearance, and so on.

Instead of seeking the perfect lover, seek to create the perfect love.


Don’t become another broken relationship statistic.

Be realistic, true to your deepest values, and work on your own self-development.

A relationship that is built on the solid foundation of mutual empowerment can go the distance.

Falling I love is easy; I’ve done so many times.

Staying in a relationship when things get challenging is another matter.

Building a relationship where two people are perfected in love is one of the highest callings of life.

Give yourself the opportunity to be perfected in in love.

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

I am here if you need me.

I invite you to support our community by posting a comment or question on my blog. I am here if you need me.

See you next week.

Live, connect, love and prosper

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

You will be guided through the steps for setting up your low cost session when you click on the ‘Sign Up Now’ button below:

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