Considering ‘Rekindling’ an Old Love?


Here in America, Valentine’s Day is just four days away.

In the past few days I’ve had several conversations with people I know in our community seeking my advice about using Valentine’s Day to try and rekindle and old love.

In today’s post I’ll share my thoughts on the mater.

I know quite a few happy couples who called it quits only to get together and ‘make it work’ later in life.

I have found that sometimes people who chose to go their separate ways after seriously dating or living together may have simply not had enough life experience (lacked the maturity) to make their relationship ‘work’ the first time around.

Perhaps they allowed a ‘deal beaker on one important issue’ to become a ‘deal breaker’ on all issues.  Upon realizing their ‘mistake’ they decided to give the relationship another opportunity to succeed.

Perhaps they gave up a long-term romantic partnership because they thought they’d hold out for a ‘better match’, only to discover that finding a ‘better match’ would be next to impossible.

Perhaps they even got professional help, worked on their issues, and in the process realized that the relationship really deserved ‘another chance’.

Tips for successfully rekindling an old love

  • Take your time.  Go slowly.  Enjoy the process.
  • If you’re signed up for online dating services, take your online dating profiles down while you give your relationship a second chance.
  • Be sure that your ‘friendship’ is well established before getting sexually involved.
    • Great sex does not guarantee a great partnership and sexual involvement tends to impair our judgment. This is why my motto is “friends first”.
  • If cohabitation is your eventual goal, maintain separate residences while you ‘try on’ living together.
  • If things are going well, but there are still ’issues’, consider seeing a counselor together.
  • Other general advice:
    • Stay in the present.
    • Be alert for patterns that used to trigger you in the past.  Make the decision, in advance, to let go of past ‘battles’.
    • Own your feelings, express your needs, and leave your partner in freedom to be themselves.

Red Flags to watch-out for

  • If there was any emotional or physical abuse in your past relationship, it is generally best to pass on the urge to get back together again.  You are worthy of love.  No one really ever successfully trades love for intermittent abuse.
  • If children are involved, go very slowly.  If they are old enough to understand, let them know what you are up to.
  • If you are strongly driven to rekindle the relationship, but your intuition is screaming at you to pass, get some professional support before diving in.

Listen to your friends, family members, and close colleagues, but stay true to your values and make your own decisions.

I wish you an inspiringly beautiful, and happy Valentine’s Day.

I am here if you need me.

Your friend and staunch ally,

To Love and Courage!


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