Conscious Dating, Part Three

WELCOME! 

Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone.

In last week’s post I continued my discussion on the topic of ‘conscious dating’.

In today’s post I will share more on this important topic.

Last week, I focused on the powerful perspective of curiosity.

This week I will focus on four other things that you can do to make the most of your dating opportunities.

Be authentic

You can probably recall a time when you shared with a colleague or friend that you were “nervous” about your upcoming date with a special someone.

Your friend or colleague may have tried to reassure you by reminding you to “just be yourself”.

We all value authenticity.

Easy enough to understand.

While it is important to treat your date with respect and observe common sense expressions of courtesy, it is also important to keep in mind that dating is a two way process of discovery.

I emphasize this point because it is too easy to fall into the please your date at all costs trap.

Relax.

Be yourself.

If you disagree with his expressed point of view, politely tell him so.

If you don’t like his favorite dessert, don’t pretend that you do.

You are looking for a compatible partner.

Without being overbearing, take advantage of opportunities to express your true feelings, beliefs, expectations etc. when it is appropriate to do so.

Authenticity on your part, encourages authenticity on his part.

In relationships, you are always building your ‘relationship house’ and setting expectations for future interactions.

Always.

Get off to a good, solid start this time!

Build your ‘relationship house’ on the solid ground of ‘authenticity’.

Be patient

Real relationships take time to develop.

I cannot tell you how many times my strong will and lack of patience caused me to become intimately involved with the wrong person.

Trust me.

Take your time!

Take it from someone who got to marry their best friend:

Become good friends first.   Friendship provides a solid foundation on which true romance can thrive.

Your new dating marching orders:

I will allow my new relationship with________________ to develop.

I know, you’re really ready to meet your True Love and build a life together.

However, the deep emotional connections that form the basis of a long term, committed, mutually fulfilling, mutually empowering relationship take time to develop.

Enjoying the process is one of the rewards of being patient.

I might also add that as you both become more “comfortable” with each other you will discover qualities, interests, and issues that will allow you both to make choices you can truly live with.

Better to end up as good friends, than go through a traumatic break up that leaves you both disliking each other. Success in the “dating game” requires patience, judgment, and, you guessed it, more patience!

Keep your first few dates short

Many women and guys, for that matter, mistakenly think that if they just wow their date with an overwhelmingly wonderful time, that they will sweep them off of their feet and fall in love forever.

Maybe this scenario holds true on the big screen, but it rarely plays out in real life.

Take a step back and consider the following.

A couple of hours provides sufficient time to begin the process of becoming comfortable with each other.

Some suggestions:

  • Share a cup of joe at an unusual coffee bar
  • Meet for lunch at a casual eatery
  • Enjoy an ice cream cone together

By keeping your first few encounters short you are providing an opportunity for both of you to relax, get to know one another, and begin the complex process of sussing each other out.

I also recommend avoiding your usual hangouts.

This way you won’t be distracted by friends and acquaintances and can give your full attention to your date.

In addition, a new environment tends to facilitate curiosity.  As I pointed out in last week’s post, curiosity is key component to engaging relationships.

Finally, be sure that you find a place and/or activity that provides ample opportunity for conversation.

For this reason, I recommend avoiding crowded bars at happy hour.

If you decide to have a cocktail, pursue this outing at a quiet place.

Allow sufficient time between dates

Ok, you’ve met a really cool guy, been out on a couple dates, and things are going well.

Time to pick up the pace.

Not so fast, Peggy Sue.

Remember You’re not “Miss Desperate”!

and

You’re not playing the “hard to get” game either!

You are seeking True Love.

Keep your focus on the prize!

By allowing at least several days between dates you are giving you and your new friend time to process your experiences together.

I cannot over emphasize the importance of the time between your dates. Falling in love is a process, not an event.

Take your time.

Savor the process.

You’ll be glad you did!

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

I invite you to support our community by posting a comment or question on my blog.

See you next week.

Live, connect, love and prosper

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