Connecting Emotionally with Men, Part Two

WELCOME!

Last week’s post focused on the challenge of connecting emotionally with your guy, provided a basic context from which to understand men’s struggles with emotional connection, and provided some practical tips for building a deeper emotional connection with the man in your life.

This week’s post will continue that discussion.

The challenge of emotionally connecting with your man

For many women, trying to establish and maintain an emotional connection with their man can feel a lot like herding cats- next to impossible.

Men have sort of a “hit and run” – connect and disconnect approach to dealing with emotions and especially emotional connection.

What all Humans have in common

We all want and genuinely need to feel:

  • Included
  • Have a sense of control over our lives
  • Be liked or at the very least, accepted

Men are no different!!!

What follows are some practical tips that we all know to do but sometimes forget.

How to deepen the emotional connection with your man:

Always strive to own your feelings
When you fully own your feelings and take responsibility for your emotional reaction to circumstances you are modeling this pattern of behavior for your guy. 

An example follows.

You want to say:

YOU make me so mad when you leave the kitchen such a mess.”

This statement puts the blame for your feelings solely on your guy.

It also sets the stage for him to push back with his own “pet peeve”, creating a sort of  “tit for tat” dynamic.

His retort might be something like this:

“Yea, well I wish that you would least tell me when the car is on empty”.

Instead, You might start the conversation by saying:

“I feel very frustrated when I return home to find the kitchen such a mess.”

This statement illustrates that you own your feelings about the messy kitchen.

Notice that it begins with the word “I” instead of the word  “you”.

It is also important to note that the messy kitchen is the problem and not your guy!

This example also illustrates a very important point:
Most complaints are actually requests for help.

  • Ask for what YOU need
    Many complaints are simply unexpressed expectations and are really requests for help.

When you simply ask for what you need and want, this sets the stage for cooperation and collaboration which are both mutually empowering!

In our example of the messy kitchen, YOU might consider starting the conversation by owning your feelings:
“I feel very frustrated when I return home to find the kitchen such a mess.”

Then, once your feelings have been acknowledged, try following up with a simple request for help.
“When I come home from work, it would really help me if the kitchen was cleaned up.”

This statement acknowledges your need for help around the kitchen and sets the stage for your partner to respond to your request for help.

  • Avoid sweeping, all inclusive statements
    Nothing will “trigger” a man’s ‘sense of self-righteousness’ and get him all fired up more than a statement that is begins with the words “you never,” “you always”, and so on.

For example, telling your guy that he never listens to you or that he  always makes time for the boys, or that he never puts you and your relationship first is like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it.

Instead try saying:
“I really need your full attention right now”.  – An example of a clear request for what you need right now.

“I am happy that you have so many close male friends”.  An example of a positive, supportive, acknowledgement of how much he enjoys time with his male friends.

“Do you think that we could schedule one evening a week to spend together”?  An example of both a clear request for something that you need, and a clear request to set a mutual intention that serves your relationship in the future.

Nice.

Summary:

Establishing and maintaining an emotional connection with your guy can be very challenging.

Taking some simple steps can really help.

I recommended:

  • Always strive to own your feelings
  • Ask for what YOU need
  • Avoid sweeping, all inclusive statements

Most men I talk to really want to do the right thing for their gal.

Help your man to be the man that you fell in love with.

Where there is love- anything is possible.

I have successfully helped many people to master the art of emotional connection, and invite you to sign up for a low cost, Committed Partner Breakthrough session. 

During your session we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

Sign Up Now

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

I welcome your comments and questions.

Stay tuned as I continue this discussion next week!

Live, Connect, Love and Prosper

See YOU next week!

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

You will be guided through the steps for setting up your low cost session when you click on the ‘Sign Up Now’ button below:

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