Connecting Emotionally with Men, Part Three

WELCOME!

This week’s post is the third in a series that focuses on “connecting emotionally with men”.

It will provide some easy to apply, practical tips for establishing and building emotional connection.

The challenge of emotionally connecting with your man

Many, many women have shared with me that they have difficulty establishing an initial emotional connection with men they date.

They also often tell me that once they feel that they have established an ’emotional connection’ with a guy they are ‘serious about’ that maintaining this connection is a lot like ‘herding cats’-next to impossible.

This post will provide a starting point; ‘the basics’, if you will.

Keys to establishing emotional connection

  • Become and stay curious
  • Show up fully as the person you are
  • Be patient

Become and stay curious

In our fast paced, goal directed society conversations tend to be shallow. We tend to focus on immediate our material needs, relatively superficial interests, events at school or work, and gossip.

Rarely does anyone really show a deep, sincere interest in us: our dreams, hopes, and aspirations.

When was the last time a new acquaintance just wanted to find out about you?

The real you: Your interests, passions, favorite activities, views on life, dreams for the future, and so on?

Exactly.

We remember these conversations precisely because they are so rare.

By demonstrating a sincere interest in your date you are giving him the opportunity to be himself.

The more you can put your date at ease the faster you both will get past that uncomfortable ‘new date experience’ and actually move toward being yourselves and enjoying each other.

I would also like to point out that curiosity is contagious:  the more interest you show in him, the more interest he will show in you.

The more you both discover about each other the more likely it is that you will form a relationship that is mutually empowering and mutually fulfilling.

In this context, it is worth noting that dating is, first and foremost, a process of mutual discovery.  

If you are looking for a long-term relationship, maintaining a perspective of curiosity will help you  both to more quickly discern wether or not you are sufficiently compatible to make pursuing a long-term relationship a realistic objective.

Also, maintaining a perspective of curiosity helps to maintain an an attitude that is open to what’s truly possible.

Finally, staying curious can also help us to be a little more objective and rational with regard to matters of the heart.

Show up fully as the person you are

Showing up fully as the person you are is often referred to as being “authentic”.

We all value authenticity.

Easy enough to understand.

While it is important to treat your date with respect and observe common sense expressions of courtesy, it is also important to keep in mind that dating is a two way process of discovery.

I emphasize this point because it is all too easy to fall into the please your date at all costs trap.

Relax.

Be yourself.

If you disagree with his expressed point of view, politely tell him so.

If you don’t like his favorite dessert, don’t pretend that you do.

You are looking for a compatible partner.

Without being overbearing, take advantage of opportunities to express your true feelings, beliefs, expectations etc. when it is appropriate to do so.

Authenticity on your part, encourages authenticity on his part.  In relationships, you are always building your “relationship house” and setting expectations for future interactions.

Always.

Get off to a good, solid start this time!

Build your “relationship house” on the solid ground of “authenticity”.

Be patient

Real relationships take time to develop.  I cannot tell you how many times my strong will and lack of patience caused me to become intimately involved with the wrong woman.

Trust me.

Take your time!

Take it from someone who got to marry their best friend:  Become good friends first.  Friendship provides a solid foundation on which true romance can thrive.

Make this your new mantra:

I will allow my new relationship with________________ to develop.

I know you’re really ready to meet ‘Mr. Right’ and build a life together.

However, the deep emotional connections that form the basis of a long term, committed, mutually empowering relationship take time to develop.

Enjoying the process is one of the rewards of being patient.

I might also add that as you both become more “comfortable” with each other you will discover qualities, interests, and issues that will allow you both to make choices you can truly live with.

Better to end up as good friends, than go through a nasty break up that leaves you both disliking and resenting each other.

Successfully building deep, mutually empowering relationships requires patience, judgment, and, you guessed it, more patience!

Summary:

Building emotional connection requires cultivating and deepening a sincere interest in the other, showing up as your authentic self, and being patient.

Take your time.  Go slowly.

Give yourself permission to explore the relationship.

I have successfully helped many people to master the art of emotional connection, and invite you to sign up for a low cost, Committed Partner Breakthrough session. 

During your session we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

Sign Up Now

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

I welcome your comments and questions.

Live, Connect, Love and Prosper

See YOU next week!

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

You will be guided through the steps for setting up your low cost session when you click on the ‘Sign Up Now’ button below:

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1 Comment »

Comment by stephen light
August 28, 2013 @ 8:14 am

Hi Ron

I apologise for being so quiet, been travelling a bit. I read through all 3 posts today and love them. Wow, poor women what they have to go through. Generally I find most guys do struggle with the emotional side. Here is a funny example of the difference between Men & Women.

The other night Frances and I are going up to bed. I say I need to get something off my computer and she heads off to bed. It took me 35mins and when I got up to bed she had dozed off. She woke up and then asked me, “Where have you been?” Now she & I know that that was not the question she actually wanted to ask. In fact she really didn’t have a question. She was upset I took so long and she wanted to cuddle. So how critical it is to voice what You need (as you put it in article 2 Ron).

Thank you

Love & Courage
Stephen


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