Connecting Emotionally with Men, Part One

WELCOME!

Woman often share with me that they have trouble establishing and maintaining emotional connection with their male romantic partners.

The challenge of emotionally connecting with your man

For many women, trying to establish and maintain an emotional connection with their man can feel a lot like herding cats- next to impossible.

Some common examples follow:

You ask your guy how he feels about something important to you and he gives you a very brief “flat feeling” response and changes the subject.

You decide to get together with your man after a hard day at work hoping to get some emotional support around your hard day.

What you get instead is an unsolicited slew of possible solutions and ideas on what you could do to make things better.

YOUR feelings never got acknowledged and you actually felt worse at the end of the conversation than you did when you reached out for some support.

Sound familiar?

As much as possible, I try to avoid gross generalizations about the differences between men and women because there are not really two camps, but one big party we are all trying to be part of.

Here’s what I have noticed:

Men, myself included, tend to connect emotionally when they have ascertained that it is in their best interest to do so.

Then as soon as the need to be emotionally connected has past, we men tend to just naturally go back to our primary, mostly intellectual way of connecting to the world.

Sort of a “hit and run” approach to emotional connection.

The roots of the emotional divide

Emotional connection involves putting something that is raw and unfinished out there for all to see. 

Authentic emotional expression involves being vulnerable.

Being vulnerable simply does not fit into the traditional, culturally entrenched role that men believe they are expected to fulfill.

For centuries men have been brought up to be anything but vulnerable!!!

In fact, men have traditionally been conditioned to avoid being seen as vulnerable, at all costs.

Thousands of years of conditioning have taught men that our role is to:

  • Take charge
  • Always be seen as in control
  • Spontaneously solve any and all problems
  • Protect our tribe, especially the women and children from danger
  • Subdue our feelings so that we can see clearly (dispassionately), take charge and manage “the situation”

Our reward for all of this is we get to be the “hero”.  Like most men I love being the hero.

The good news: men are going through a process of “emotional awakening”

Although being with, and expressing emotions, is new and sometimes scary territory for many men, I believe that men are truly “waking up” emotionally.

Every day I talk with men who are learning how to be with their own emotions, how to connect emotionally with each other and with their female counter-parts, and perhaps most importantly, coming to the realization that feelings actually have intrinsic value.

Really!

Men are learning to be more emotionally available.

What YOU can do to facilitate better emotional connection with your man:

  • Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.
    If you have invested a good deal of time into a relationship and you love the guy, really try helping him to learn the skills necessary to connect emotionally.  You might even invite him to do a complimentary session win me.
  • Encourage your guy to express his feelings.
    Always acknowledge his efforts and thank him for putting forth the effort.  Let him know that your knight in shinning amour shares his feelings!
  • Be patient
    It takes time to learn new things, and it can be very scary!
  • When you feel your guy disconnecting emotionally, don’t take it personally.
    He is most likely not abandoning you, but taking a break from unfamiliar, scary territory.
  • Manage your own expectations – intentions always trump expectations.
    Be clear about what you need and why.  If some something is important tell him so.

    When you feel the need to share your feelings with your guy, tell him that you need him to just listen.

If he tries to jump in and solve the “problem”, gently remind him that what you need right now is for him to just listen. It will probably take many such interactions for your man to “get it” and begin to consistently practice the art of listening to understand, rather than problem solve.

I have include a link to a post that I recommend you and your guy read:

http://inspiredcommitment.com/building-emotional-connection/supporting-your-partner-when-they-express-frustration/

  • Always celebrate your efforts to come together
    Let your man know that the one of the bravest and most heroic things he can do is to just listen, and give you support.

Summary:

Establishing and maintaining emotional connection with your guy can be very challenging.

Men are going through the process of an “emotional awakening”.

Committed, conscious, mutually empowering romantic relationships are possible but require mutual sensitivity, patience, understanding, and effort.

Open, mutually supportive discussions can do a lot to move a couple forward to a deeper level of connection and understanding.

You can help your guy learn to become more emotionally expressive and connected.

From my experience, this is best done by gently enlisting the support and cooperation of your partner.

If at first you don’t succeed, keep trying.

The art of love is largely the art of persistence.

Where there is love- anything is possible.

I have successfully helped many people to master the art of emotional connection, and invite you to sign up for a low cost, Committed Partner Breakthrough session. 

During your session we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

Sign Up Now

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

I welcome your comments and questions.

Stay tuned as I continue this discussion next week!

Live, Connect, Love and Prosper

See YOU next week!

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

You will be guided through the steps for setting up your low cost session when you click on the ‘Sign Up Now’ button below:

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1 Comment »

Comment by LJ
August 13, 2013 @ 4:56 pm

Excellent information – as a woman with a FOO that did not share intimacy I am learning how to build intimate relationships. Part of the area I am working on is my hypersensitivity when I am with a man does not show an interest in emotional connection. It helps to know this is their wiring and that maybe it can be something that is worked through together.


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