Building ‘Sustainable Relationships’


In our modern world the divorce rate continues to climb, unmarried couples continue to split up, and folks continue to encumber themselves in romantic relationships that, all too often, end in disappointment.

Repeated relationship ‘disappointments’ usually lead to deep-seated regrets, guilt, shame, and eventually to bitterness, ‘the love killer’.

It doesn’t have to be this way!

We can and must learn to build sustainable, fulfilling, connected relationships!

I’ll begin by sharing a little about myself.

One of my deepest motivations for selecting ‘Love & Relationships’ as my coaching niche derives from the loving, supportive relationship that I have with my wife, Julia.

My ‘mission’ is to help my brothers and sisters to end the painful cycle of disappointing relationships and build fulfilling lives supported by true, lasting love.

I have repeatedly shared in my posts that my own journey to true, lasting love was arduous, circuitous and required support.

I share my own struggles with my readers so that they can find some solace in the fact that they are not alone.

I understand how easy it is to get discouraged and how difficult it can feel to ‘keep going’.

The truth is that everyone struggles with some aspect of romantic love.

Making a long-term romantic relationship ‘sustainable’ requires deep commitment, perseverance, and adaptability.

Some context for our discussion:

For me, ‘dating’ is about ‘testing the waters with regard to compatibility’.

In today’s world most people desire a truly ‘inspiring relationship’.

Simply being married and staying together no matter what just doesn’t seem to cut it any more.

Most people want and believe that they deserve an extraordinary romantic relationship.

Finding this level of ‘compatibility’ can seem almost impossible.

And yet we are encouraged not to settle for less than ‘the person of our dreams’.

This is main reason why I have often emphasized the importance of doing the ‘inner work’ necessary to uncover your ‘core values’ before seriously dating.

Once you uncover your ‘core values’, you have established an effective context from which to assess what is truly important to you in a life partner or ‘soul mate’.

The next step is to ‘brainstorm’ on the qualities you desire in your ideal life partner.  I generally have asked Clients to make an exhaustive list and then narrow it down to five to seven ‘essential qualities’.

This process, if done correctly, generally leads a person to one or two physical qualities and 3 – 5 soul qualities that they believe a person must posses to be eligible for serious dating.

When I went through this process, I narrowed down the essential qualities of my desired partner down to these:

  • Healthy
  • Joyful
  • Giving
  • Able to have fun
  • Spiritually ‘awake’
  • Adaptable

My wife, Julia, has all of these qualities and is one of the most ‘adaptable’ people I have ever met.

While all of this is true what is often over looked is the fact that all of us, myself included, are in the process of becoming who we are.

So today I invite you to reflect on the quality of ‘adaptability’ and its role in sustainable relationships.

Webster’s College Dictionary defines ‘adaptable’ as follows:

“able to adjust oneself to new or changed circumstances”.

If there is one thing certain about life and relationships is that things constantly change.

Some ‘ideas to consider’

While all humans possess the capacity to adapt to our ever-changing world, some folks have developed this capacity more than others.

Some of the most salient indicators of adaptability:

  • The capacity for balanced self-confidence
  • The capacity to be spontaneous
  • The capacity to be flexible
  • The capacity to think for oneself
  • The capacity to see oneself and their current circumstances from a variety of perspectives
  • The capacity to listen
  • The capacity to be empathetic

I could list lots of other capacities that contribute to ‘being adaptable’.

When you consider the quality of adaptability, what comes up for you?

A Call to action:

For those readers who use journaling as a method of self-exploration and discovery, I invite you to journal on the ‘capacities’ listed above that resonate with you and especially on anything that enters your consciousness while reading this post.

Note that there are seven ‘supporting’ capacities listed —- one topic to journal about for each day of the week.


One more question for your consideration:

How ‘adaptable’ are you?

I celebrate your efforts on your path to love, fulfillment, and self-actualization.

One final note:

I would like to acknowledge my loving wife, Julia, who is one of the most adaptable, resourceful people I have ever met.

Start now with a low cost ‘Committed Partner Breakthrough‘ session

During your low cost “Committed Partner Breakthrough Session” we will:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the relationship you really want to have.
  • Find out the essential building blocks for having the relationship of your dreams.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from having the relationship you want and deserve.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the relationship of your dreams.
  • Complete our session with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to attract a committed partner who truly loves you for who you are!

You will be guided through the steps for setting up your low cost session when you click on the ‘Sign Up Now’ button below:

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Comment by stephen light
August 28, 2012 @ 9:50 am

Dear Ron

I read this post with a great sense of awe. You have an amazing relationship with Julia and she must be God’s gift to you for being the amazing man you are.

Ron I absolutely love how you have made a great relationship with others about how well we know ourselves and our core values. Of course this is so simple and yet we miss it. We seem to follow what we believe is the ‘right’ person for us and yet this may be based on infatuation or even raw physical attraction.

Thank you for a very insightful approach to finding the right relationship.

Love & Courage
Stephen Light

Comment by pankaj
January 23, 2014 @ 12:04 am

great articles that deeply makes me confidant and comfort to understanding love & dating life..thanks you sir…

Comment by pankaj
January 23, 2014 @ 12:06 am

thanks sir..

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