A Restless Heart Never Mends


Today’s post will focus on what I have come to call ‘The Restless Heart Syndrome’.

If you have recently broken-up with a lover and are now feeling compelled to start dating again to fill the ‘void’ in your life this post is for you.

A ‘break-up’ leaves an empty space in our lives.

This is especially true for sudden, unanticipated break-ups.

That said, any break-up changes our daily rhythm and, for that reason, is jarring or traumatic.

Why this is so

All of us tend to get used to the regular companionship, emotional / physical intimacy and, especially, the predictability that committed romantic relationships provide.

In this context I feel that it is important to note that all break-ups are emotionally and even physically traumatic.

When we give our hearts to another human being and things don’t ‘work out’ it leaves a scar in our consciousness.

This is often also the case for ‘amicable break-ups’.

Simply put ‘disappointment’ is ‘disappointment’.

While there is a very natural tendency to want to immediately fill the void in our lives that a break-up inevitably causes, this is not in your best interest.

If you truly want to end the painful cycle of broken, mismatched relationships then you must be willing to:

  1. Allow yourself the time and space to heal.
  2. Do the inner work of self-development necessary to get it right the next time around.

It’s simple:

If you want a different outcome, then you must be willing to do the inner work (self-development) to bring you’re your thinking, speech, and actions into alignment with your relationship goals.

Do the work; get the results.

True, lasting romantic partnership is possible for most people.

The unfortunate truth is that many folks don’t take the take time and put in the effort to get it right.

Instead they simply try again without really taking a close look at their lives.  Then they are astonished when they end up in another miss-matched relationship that again ends badly.

I know that this was often my ‘modus operandi’.

I stubbornly kept going often ignoring personal realities that were literally staring me in the face.

With regard to love, I was simply doing the same things over and over again and somehow expecting a different outcome.


Through the Grace of God I finally came to my senses and took a good hard look at me!

Still here?

A better path forward:

If you have recently broken up with someone I recommend:

  • Giving yourself full permission to take the time to be with and process your feelings of loss and disappointment- This may require professional support.
  • Take a break from dating- I recommend at least 2 to 3 months.
  • Before re-entering the dating scene, make peace with yourself- this too may require some level of professional support.  This is partly because most of us are much better at self- judgment and self-criticism than we are at letting things go and positively acknowledging ourselves for the people that we are.  Unless you truly make peace with yourself, your emotional heart will not heal and your desires for love and companionship will compel you to date the wrong people, mostly for the wrong reasons.I know because I did this for years!
  • Before re-entering the dating scene, become crystal clear on what you want from a romantic relationship.
  • Before re-entering the dating scene, become crystal clear on what you bring to romantic relationships.
  • When you return to dating, go slowly and strive to be fully true to yourself.
  • Always remember: You are a catch… You are attractive… You are complete.

I sincerely hope that you found this post inspiring and useful.

I am here if you need me.

I invite you to support our community by posting a comment or question on my blog. I am here if you need me.

See you next week.

Live, connect, love and prosper

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1 Comment »

Comment by stephen light
September 17, 2014 @ 6:16 am


This is so tough. I couldn’t imagine what its like having to re-enter the dating game and here you give solid ideas. (Hopefully I don’t need to follow them he he).

Thank you

Love & Courage

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